.touch.

15

I could feel it in my very bones that it was going to happen.

My dreams had been haunted with nightmares from the moment my head hit the pillow, I was exhausted but I knew if I tried to sleep again I would envision it all over again. Sometimes it was me a Lauren running towards each other, or me chasing her, or her chasing me and other times it was just our connection.

I could see the golden and sliver strands burning bright and right in front of me shining so brightly, sometimes they would be intertwined with one another, clutching onto each other like they would never let go, while other times they would touch and instantly burn out, like being to close would kill them both. And I could smoke and could feel it in my lungs every time. so instead of closing my eyes I would just twist and turn and even smell my own sadness. In a way I knew things were about to fall apart, like my body was giving me a warning but I couldn't rest.

I was to worried about Lauren, I knew my pack could stand on its own and could defend itself, but could Lauren? What was happening to the girl I loved in this very moment? The fact that I couldn't go to her, that I couldn't run to her and hold her or fix whatever she was going through with her birth mother but I couldn't. I didn't even know where she was. I missed her, I missed her scent, her green eyes, her hair, her smile, and how beautiful she was inside and out. She wasn't insecure, she cared about her sister, and she was full of life. But now, I don't know how much of her will be left when I get to her.

It was all my fault.

I should've told her.

I should've protected her.

I could feel the stress completely taking over me when there was a soft knock on the door, I sat up on the bed and looked over at the door "who is it?" I questioned but there was only one person who would knock on my door this late at night.

"It's Ally,"

"Come in, please,"

Allyson comes in wearing one of my long sleeve button ups and some slippers, her face is free from makeup and her hair is up in a bun on her head and I don't think she's ever looked so beautiful.

"Hi Ally," I tell her, smiling and she smiles back and comes towards me. I move to the bottom of the bed so when Ally reaches me, she's right in front of me. She looks into my eyes and doesn't say anything, but we don't need too. I know she can tell how scared I am and how worried I am. And I can tell how understanding she is and how she is always going to be there for me to pick up the pieces with me. There was a reason that Ally was my right hand women, it was because she knew me and could help me better than anyone else. I grab at Ally's hands which lay around her waist as if she she was cold and I grabbed them and placed them around my shoulders. It makes Ally's smile widen just a little bit more and she leans into me and let's out a little hum of happiness, her fingers intermingle and I can feel her thumbs rubbing against my neck and I close my eyes at the feeling, leaning back into it. As I wrap my arms around her waist to bring her closer to me.

"I love you," I say. And I know I promised to never say it because we weren't mates, but I loved her. A love so pure and bright it had nothing to with kissing or actually being mates. I just ended up falling in love with her and she was the best person for me. And I still didn't understand why she wasn't for me. It always felt like she was made for me so I still didn't understand why she wasn't. Sometimes I believed it had more to do with me than her. I wasn't good enough for her. That I could believe. She deserves more than a fucked up alpha who can't even make the correct choices when it comes to her pack. She did need better than me.

"I love you too." She says back, but not before her little gasp fell from her lips, as if she couldn't believe I had sat it, or that she was going to say it back, I could smell surprise in her scent as well as sadness. I pouted.

"I didn't mean to make you sad, Allyson, I'm sorry."

Ally shook her head "No, it's not that. I just know, things are going to change soon. And we won't be able to have nights like this anymore." And even in this dark lighting and how softly she was speaking I could see the unshed tears in her eyes and the soft quiver in her voice. "I going to miss this."

"Hey, hey," I say soothingly. "you're not going to lose me in anyway and my bed will always be open to you, regardless of any circumstances. I know I have a mate, but... We don't know what's going to happen when it comes to... It"

Ally doesn't look at me, but she nods and I never wished so badly I knew what she was thinking about.

"I know it seems like I've been.... Distant while dealing with Lauren, but know I love you. I love you so much and I want to know that. I don't want you to ever forget I will always protect you and always keep you safe. Can you remember that? For me? And then once this is all over I can deal with my mate and I can deal with what I feel for you, because we have been saying 'we can't, we can't' for too damn long."

And then Ally really starts crying but she's smiling and she still smells sad but I can't really smell it because I can smell her happiness more.

I pull her in even closer and wrap my arms around her tighter and lay my head on her stomach and she runs her hand through my hair and she sighs a little.

"I will always be with you," she whispers against my head before kissing it. "why were you awake? Couldn't sleep?"

"Right,"
"Do you want me to put you to bed?"
"As long as you stay with me... Will you do that? Will you stay with me?"
"Always,"

Ally pulls herself away from me and unwraps herself from me and then grabs my hand, making me turn my body and crawl back to the top of my bed. Ally pulls down the sheets and I hope in under them and then Ally gets in behind me and I turn so I can face her and again I swear to myself she has never looked so beautiful.

My actions are my actions before my Brain works it out, my hand is wrapping around her little face and I'm leaning in and so is she. I can feel her breath, dancing along my cheeks and I can smell her anticipation, mixing with my own.

So I do it, I kiss her, like how I wanted to for years, turning my head to the side letting my hand drop from her cheek to her neck to enjoy the feeling of her under my hands. her lips were warm against mine, I could taste honey and what I could only describe as sunshine. I have never felt so warm.

Ally's arms wrapped around my middle, pulling me closer to her, and I did her one better and straddled her waist, kissing her deeply.

The kiss is slow and warm and I can't help the moan that slips from my mouth and into her's as her tongue slips into my mouth and she sits us up as her arms wrap around me again.

Slowly she pulls her mouth from mine and her lips run down my neck, the warmth of Allyson being so close and her soft lips against my skin and the way it feels makes another moan escape from me as I move my head back.

Ally pulls back and looks at me, a smile on her face and I smile back, a laugh flowing inbetween us like warm summer wind.

"We should of done this sooner," I say before leaning in and kissing her again.

"You're so right." she says back, "but now, let's go to bed, okay? Can we go to bed?"

I smile widely "yeah, yeah we can, I think I can actually sleep well now that you're going to be next to me." I move out of Allyson's lap and onto the next pillow and Ally comes down and lays her head on my tummy, wrapping her fingers in mine and holding my hand tight.

I knew there were so many unanswered questions, like the fact I was in love with someone who wasn't my mate and if I was even going to be alive long enough to start a life with Ally or Lauren but right now, in the moment I didn't care. Ally was consistent and always there for me and right now, that was what I needed.

I needed Allyson, her love, and the way she made me feel, and this is what would get me through the rest of my life.