This War Of Mine 2

Sued

"SAPAN NO! NO NO WAKE UP!" His mother screeched.
"Why couldn't you save him?! WHY COULDN'T YOU? DOCTORS FOR WHAT YOU ALL??" His dad protested.
The fuss made, the inevitable fuss made, made me feel nauseous. I pulled Uncle out, and explained to him why they couldn't, after mentally and verbally preparing myself to do so.
"Samantha, don't overract. I need to ask them."
"UNCLE I KNOW THE REASON. Please, please hear me out."
He surrendered, arms akimbo.
"He had that head injury in the beginning because of the(gulp)penetration of the pressure and force of the opposing vehicle. The intervention, and the CT scans and MRI obviously pointed out to one thing, (long pause).."
"And that is? TIA?"
"Outwardly, yes. The main problem is what we'd let loose. The scan found thromboembolisms in circle of willis. The blood clotted severely.(Breathe) Almost all the major arteries got clogged. This, uhm evidently, uhm blocked the proper blood flow to the, uh, heart. The process, the spread slowed and the changes seen were slow too... The void of blood started it's work, and he began (huff) experience thready(pause) pulse rate." Tears were rolling down my cheeks, as I fought hard to find my lost composure.
"His heart slowly started to give up, and (pause) he, he, gave..," I swallowed, and took a few seconds to stop the whimpering.
"The chest composure, defibrillators, every option was ruled out...and.." That's the last. I couldn't say it. I couldn't say that he di.., he is gone. I can't.
His dad said nothing, but walked back and pulled aunty out of the room.
I went and kneeled down next to her, despite her bitchiness, she is like my mother.
"Aunty, I'm..."
"DON'T TOUCH ME. You killed him.."
"Aunty please. "
"Get OUT of my sight."
What more could I say? I couldn't talk back or argue, because I know what she feels. I know how painful this is that I can't put it all in words.
He's gone? Just in a snap of a finger?
Taking my heart, but leaving my corpse here? How..? How do I..? What do I do?
~
It has been more than an hour, and all I've ever done, is nothing but drowning in my own puke, blood and tears. His sweater hanging loose on my body, his beautiful cologne making me smile, but his arms not there to wrap it around my waist and pull me closer. His one touch makes me a believer, makes me better. How am I going to leave from this place? How will I throw the rest of him out the window? How will I paint that white part black? Alone?
~
The ring was covered in dried-up blood, the stones shining through it. My thumb grazed the rim of the ring, when I noticed a word carved in the rim.
Forever it said.
Forever?
This is all to much for me. This, this agony and pain inflicted is making me do things I don't want to.
I had to move on. Had to. Had to. Had to.
But I can't.
~
I started off with with arranging all his CD's and the,. the PS4 I'd given him, so clean and new as always.As I pushed the gaming CD's down the box, I noticed a folded piece of paper? Fall into the box. What is it?
~
Hi, whoever is reading this, I am Sapan. I don't know what provoked me to write this note or whatever you call it. I just wanted my loved ones to know that I do love them. In a few days, a month rather, I will be married to the best girl on the planet.(Trust me when I say that) and I 'll get busy with her and of course I don't want the others to feel left out. This one is for all my friends I guess. I mean I could've just talked, but well I suck at it. You suck at it? Huh. So this idea. I'm sure it should be Sam(the girl yess) who found it, but well, she can read it out with me, because I am good at reading. Hey always got the first place in that! Kidding. Moving on. First, I'd like to thank Samantha D'Souza, this beautiful girl for coming into my life, and making me the man I am today, moulding and guiding me for the past 7 years. Thanking her is like eternity. Then, of course, my best best bud, Roshan, thanks man. Thanks for always being there for us. Me more importantly. Like you are like the bestestest buddy okay? Okay, next all my other dope friends who were always there to get me high and sober next morning. Pranav, Prithav, Rithik, and all the other guys, thaanksss. Then uh, my parents yes, also for making me the man I am today. Then Sam's besties, my sisters, Shreya and Adv. Adv thanks again for the tips and Shreya, thanks for being a bitch when needed. Kidding again. Love y'all guys. And don't worry I'm still going to be there, but just giving you the chills x

Okay so what this is a friggin death note or what?? So I am supposed to read this out for him? Because he gave the chills really?
I folded it and kept it separately, carrying on with the cleaning.
This note, it makes me think? It's like he knew he was going to die. Mysterious I'd say, but we're never going to know.
~
I could feel him with me, but I had to let go of the frustration. I had to move out. You might think, I am being so self-centered and obsessed that I haven't even told how I sucky I feel now. That's because, it is practically, verbally impossible for me to even put those feelings in words. I've once been told by someone,that your emotions are not only put out through tears. Back then, I thought the person was false, but now I know.
I just can't force tears out my eye, I cry unexpectedly, then suddenly stop, smile at some happening that flashes before my eye and cringe.
The process repeats.

I couldn't comprehend the surroundings, I was locked up in here for more than 3 hours and I didn't want to go out. He wasn't there to protect me, this fear.
The fear, insecurity, the introversion, all happening again.
I hated myself, he made me love myself, he made me hate myself again.
But he isn't there to change it.
~
I was done with the living room, and my feet found themselves firmly fixed on the floor of our tiny library.
The collection of books was vast. Literally everything ranging from classics to present-day fiction.
I didn't want to throw them away, I couldn't pull myself to. Because each of these books, each of them, have a story of their own.
I slowly started stacking the books, King Lear, Sense and Sensibility, Leaves Of Grass, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Sherlock Holmes and every other genre possible.
I left one book to the end. The very end.
Guess what?

Heyaa
Second book yay
I know. I am sorry, but I had to do it y'all.
No hard feelings
Cliffhanger yes, but I'm sure y'all have a few guesses.
Keep the love and support coming.
One love \m/