We are making all the same mistakes. I don't know, I see myself as a problem seeker. I am always oblivious to what I'm doing and where I'm going!
The problem here is I know what my flaw is, but I can't contemplate the solution to fix it, darn.
This soul-clogging oblivion, perhaps, is what leads me what I am today.
Maybe not economically or physically but definitely mentally.
I am confused. I just feel, I keep throwing my soul through all open doors.
Even now.
And I am missing out the one I feel has silently stolen my heart away.
Guess who?
~
There's always second thoughts, right?
That's just Satanism of everyday. I'm completely slammed by the gate and I have no idea as to which side I should take.
I wish, oh how I just wish Sapan was here with me.
~
Things would've been different that way I'm sure.
By now, he would be done with college and we'd be a hypothetically married couple who'll feel old in the society, alas who'll never go low on the romance. It would've been the happiest picture ever, because I didn't have second thoughts then, I didn't have to think on whom I should be with, because everytime a thought like that crossed my mind, I'd just look up to his face, that delighting smile drawn upon his lips, that makes me lighten up and find my answer.
He was the only one.
But now, I don't even know.
~
There are two sides in me, even here, if you ask me.
One side is screaming inert me, telling me that I do deserve another person that would make me feel, you know like, make me feel life is worth it, make me feel good about myself, and make me feel loved and needed and promising.
But on the contrary, I have a feeling that I don't need any of them, anymore. What more amazing, that living independent? Relationships are messy, people get hurt, whereas here, I'm the only one who hurts, loves and contents myself. This side is even more legitimate, right?
~
Shawn has been consuming me.
It's like, despite the fact that I am in a relationship with Axl, it doesn't seem so.
Shawnee is just so mysterious, that it intrigues me. I've let him consume me, I know. And I am scared.
Scared that I might love him.
~
YOU ARE READING
This War Of Mine 2
Teen Fiction"These violent delights have violent ends, And in their triumph die, like fire and powder, Which, as they kiss, consume." Do they consume the ash and dust or the soul? 7 years of profound, deep, true love all coming to an abrupt end? Is it for t...
