This War Of Mine 2

The Wake

December 20th 2015, Sunday.

The official wake.

My eyes were fixed on the ceiling, as I clutched the pillow and cried into it. I didn't want my feet to touch the cold floor, there being no warmth for me.

Shreya sat next to me, my back against her front, as she shook me by my shoulder and told me to wake up.

"I'll come." I said, wiping my nose and waited till she left.

I needed my composure.I needed to write the eulogy. And I need to write it real short.

~

Our little infinity it was called. Crisp and packed with all my emotions and tears and unconditional love for him.

~

The procedures, were all ready to be done before which was the eulogy.

Their parents talked first, actually his dad, and not mum because she was shattered enough.

Then came my turn,well.

Here goes, the last of my everything.

"Hello. Honestly I don't know how to begin. Or rather where to begin with. He was the star-crossed love of my life. We were jinxed, perhaps. But all those never matter for us. I can still vividly remember him looking at me, stealing my heart in a split second. Carrying me away in his folds of love. I could remember him standing there, arms akimbo, him in his signature striking blue-black combo. I can go on and on about us. It was a fantasy. Nights were we read for each other, as the other sees the one falling asleep. He knew I wanted that perfect Hazel-Gus relationship, and well he gave it to me. Just as it was. All the partying, the cute smooches, the cuddles, the serious talks, the walks. It couldn't have been any better. In this due course of time, he swept me off my feet, carried me with him, wherever he was. Vowed to go to everything together. But not this time. It was an epic love story, I should say. I can't possibly describe it in a sentence without drowning into a puddle of tears. He engulfed himself as mine. And I as his and that will never change. I can still remember the time when he manned himself up and came to me with what could've been the most lamest way to say "I love you". He said, as I quote "I'm sorry if I say, I need you. But I don't care, I'm not scared of love, cause when I'm not with you I'm weaker. Is that so wrong? Is it so wrong that you make me strong?" I knew he had captivated my heart then, he knew it too. But this mutuality we had, we loved these little games. Little mischief. I said "Oh you'll have to try better than that to get me!" His eyes glistening with the sense of victory, because he knew, he knew I was head over heels for him. And then the game began. And that will never end. I am forever obliged for the happiness, the unconditional love he possessed for me. My friend told me she didn't know if 'forever' was possible after this. Let me tell you this. We are forever. We are infinite. No soul can change that. He was my cathartic reality. I hope he rests in peace. I know. I love him. Forever. And I pledge here, amidst all of you, I will live my life for him as well. Because he isn't done living with! Before I take leave, on a kind note: Those who revolve around the feeling of me being a bad omen and killing him, get clearer. I didn't do it. I know it. He knows it. That's all matters to me. May he be with us forever. I believe in him, so I in his words. I abide by his words and take leave. "Sometimes when things are falling apart, they might be actually falling into place" Thank you."

I was in tears at the end, as I walked away, my black dress flying back. Irony is, 7 years of all that profound love, vanished in that one second he hit that truck.

He gave it to me, didn't he?

Just like The Fault In Our Stars.

Huh.

~

They'd laid him out in the pyre. His face still so placid and beautiful. Oh how I wish, it could've been me in that place or better, he just wakes up and walks towards me.

Impractical.

I couldn't, simply couldn't watch his corpse go aflame, the heat and fire triggering painful, yet, yet sweet memories, now all just a few pages of my own book.

My parents, I could see, or atleast my dad leering at me from the distance.

I was in no mood for a leer competition with my dad, not now, not ever.

~

I stayed till the end, and noticed some familiar, surprising show-ups.

Leo, Yash and Siddhi of all.

They walked towards me, Leo stood back, Siddhi and Yash came and spoke. I couldn't be mean to them, not now at least. I thanked them for their concern and then ugh, had to face my surprised parents.

"We have to talk when you come home."

"Okay."

I know that this isn't any good sign, but I've to deal with in 4 more days.

~

I wanted to chase all the darkness away, and start again, but I couldn't.

I nonchalantly opened the tin of thick, black, glossy paint.

"I've become so numb, I can't feel you there"

Yes. I might asplode anytime, but I am controlling it.

I dipped the brush and took it closer to the space, my shawl, my friggin shawl was stuck under the goddamn paint bucket and boom black paint splashed all over the wall, my skin, the walls.

Do I really need this now??

Apparently I do. I cleaned the floor, and the the haphazard splash on the wall, somewhat looked beautiful, I should say.

The devilish black, had splattered over the deserted, dreary lands, and the tensed clouds, saying, or victoriously taking it's place over the little green that had persisted. There was beauty even in darkness, for the darkest and deepest souls. There is beauty in everything, a possible revelation for some, not so for the others.

I left it the way it was, no alterations nothing.

Just the way it is.

~

I had 4 more days till I've to face my parents. The fear of what they'd, actually I know what they'd talk about already.

I am ready.

~

Living Room. Check.

Library. Check.

Drawing Room. Check.

Bedroom.

O Oh.

Bring it on.