It always ends

nine

Harper

He pulled up to my house and got out, opening the door for me. I gave him a smile as I stepped out.

We stood, in awkward silence, staring at each other.

I would've found solace in the quietness surrounding us but I didn't like the way he was looking at me.

Mainly because I was absolutely confused by the way it made me feel.

I cleared my throat and took a gentle step back. He didn't say anything. Instead, he sent me a curt nod.

"I'll see you around?"

"You will," he replied.

I smiled absentmindedly, perking up at the thought of seeing him again.

And with that, I turned around and made my way to my front porch steps.

I unlocked the door and stepped inside. Not before giving him one last smile. Then, I shut the door and let out a sigh.

I heard him get in his car and drive off.

The warmth left my heart once more and the emptiness returned. This time, I felt more hollow inside than ever.

I didn't mind being alone. It was the loneliness that really bothered me.

And that's what I was. Lonely. The feeling came and went, in waves.

I slipped off my shoes and turned on the lights. I could feel the silence in the house which only made the loneliness truly sink in.

Sometimes, it made me feel as though I had no true purpose in life. After all, what's the point of living if you're alone? To live for myself, is what I like to think.

But that's just the thing! It's my life. I've made it this far and I'm not going to crumble down again.

I can't let it happen.

A week ago, I wasn't feeling this way. I was doing just fine on my own until he came back into my life.

His presence was a reminder of how easy it was to break me, a reminder that I was weak. A reminder that I was lonely.

But his presence was also a reminder that I was able to overcome the heartache. A reminder that I was strong. A reminder that I didn't need anyone.

I was better off by myself.

Yet, I still wanted to see him. I didn't care that he was the only person to lay their hands on my heart—and body. The first person to throw all that away without any remorse. The only person who could ruin me, break me, destroy me.

The only person who could mend the shattered pieces of my heart back together. The only person who could fix me.

My thoughts shot back and forth. I can't even keep up anymore.

One part of me wants him, the other part of me is scared.

It's so stupid.

I wanted to laugh at my idiotic feelings and thoughts.

I went into the kitchen to prepare something to eat. It was ten to five and I had quite the appetite.

Today had been...eventful. I don't think I've smiled and laughed so much and felt this happy in a while.

I know it didn't really mean anything. We were just two people hanging out.

It was nothing more, nothing less.

And I sincerely hoped he was thinking hard on everything like I was.

I hoped thoughts ran through his mind, making everything seem more complicated.