URGE • Fezco • Euphoria

*7*

It's been one week.
One week since Liz went over to Fez' place.
One week since Rue broke down at his front door.
One week since Liz trauma dumped on Fez.

She hated herself.

"When Liz first moved in with her Aunt, she was forced to go to therapy, hopefully to get over her trauma and get some sleep once in a while.
But it didn't help for a shit.
Liz refused to speak to the man, whenever he asked her something she just shrugged, not saying a word.

At her fourth therapy session, the therapist was starting to get impatient and somewhat forced the 12 year old to speak.
Liz got annoyed by his attempts to make her speak and threw a stapler she found on the desk against his head.
The man ended up with a permanent scar on his forehead, but Liz did not regret a thing.

After that session it was crystal clear to Marie Coughlan that her niece was unable to open op about her feelings.

She hoped that over the years the girl would let some things out, but she never did.
She never told anyone about her dad, she never even told anyone her birthday.

The girl was locked up like a bank vault, but somehow Fez found his way inside and made her able to talk about her trauma.
And he didn't even have to try."

Liz wasn't mad that Fez knew about what happened, multiple people knew trough her aunt and sister so it wasn't that big of a secret. She was just mad at herself for being so weak .
No one ever made her open up, and she hung out with Fezco once and there she goes, dumping all her trauma onto him like he gives a shit.

She now knew why she never hung out or made friends with anyone. She was too afraid to share.

It's not like she knows why she's so afraid of sharing things about herself. It's not like anyone could ever physically hurt her, it was crippling anxiety telling her that if she opened up she would be weak and easy to manipulate. 

That's why she liked finding out about other people's secrets. It made them look more vulnerable and weak, making her feel like she was better than them.
It's a toxic trait, she was aware of it, but it was her way of gaining confidence, her way of tuning out the anxiety.

It's not like Liz never wanted to see Fezco again, because no matter how hard she hated herself for it, it felt somewhat good to let it out for once.
He made her feel this sense of comfort that made her so calm but scared at the same time.

Fez wasn't at all aware of what effect it had on the girl that she opened up to him. He did like the way she trusted him enough to tell him about it, but he didn't see much behind it.

He didn't know that she got insomnia the last couple of nights.
He didn't know that she hated herself more than anything.

All he knew was that he couldn't see her again.

It was the night of the carnival in East highland.
Everyone was getting ready to either sell their food, keep their business running or simply to have a good night hanging around at the carnival.

Liz didn't feel like going, mainly because she knew Fez would be there and she had no idea how to talk to him after last time.
But her aunt forced her to watch over her sister for the night.