In the Midst of the Crowd (Loser #1)

Chapter 30

I didn't expect that the stories I wanted to tell him would be so delayed because he got even busier the following days.

"Aalis ka na agad?" tanong ko nang maalimpungatan. I looked at the clock sitting on the bedside table. Alas sinco pa lang pero bihis na bihis na siya.

"Sorry for waking you up," he said gently before fixing his shirt. "I have an early rehearsal."

Umupo ako sa kama at pinanood siyang mag-ayos. He was preparing for a concert... of course he would be up to his neck.

"Late ka na nakauwi kagabi, 'no? Hindi kita naabutan," mahinang saad ko.

He glanced at me before nodding. "Baka ma-late ulit ako mamaya."

I gulped the lump in my throat. Nakaramdam ako ng pagtatampo at alam kong hindi tama iyon kaya iwinaksi ko agad. I pressed my palms together and smiled at him. It must be my pregnancy hormones.

"B-Bukas...?" dahan-dahang tanong ko. "May check-up ako. Sasama ka ba?"

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. Napayuko ako roon. I get that. I shouldn't make him feel guilty because he was working to feed me and our child.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Sira, okay lang. Maayos naman kami ni baby sabi ni Dr. Constantino no'ng last check-up. Tatawagan na lang kita after." I laughed. "Or lunch. P'wedeng pag-usapan natin 'yon over lunch."

He sighed, and again, I understood what that meant. Pinigilan ko ang sariling makaramdam ng dismaya dahil hindi tamang ganoon ang isipin ko. I bit my lower lip to suppress the words I wanted to say. Baka may masabi akong hindi tama. Makaapekto pa 'yon sa trabaho niya.

I laughed again. "Joke lang!"

Hindi nagbago ang ekspresyon niya. "I'm really sorry. I'll do my best to be home as early as possi—"

I shook my head. "Take your time."

"Karsen..."

I glared at him. "Galingan mo sa rehearsal, ha? Manonood ako ng concert mo. Siguraduhin mong magugustuhan namin 'yan."

His face lit up. "Namin?"

I pointed at my tummy. "Nitong anak mo."

He chuckled. Umikot siya sa tabi ko at tinanggal ang kumot na nakatakip sa lower body ko. He caressed my tummy softly and stared at it with obvious joy in his eyes. He kissed it through my clothes as if it was his most prized possession.

"I'll make it up to you after the concert." He looked up to me. "I promise."

I stared back at him and realized that our priorities had really changed. The most important thing for us now is how we are going to raise our child. Hindi ang pag-aaral ko. Hindi ang trabaho niya. Itinaas ko ang kamay at inayos ang buhok niya habang nakatitig pa rin sa kanya.

Maybe I just missed it—the times he would skip work just to see me. Kung paanong nagsisimula ang araw ko sa tawag niya at natatapos na siya ang huling nakausap.

He stood up and kissed my head. "Off to work."

Tumango ako at pinanood siyang maglakad papunta sa pinto ng kwarto. I would spend the rest of the day with myself again. Sana ay may oras na siya para makatawag sa akin mamaya. Gustong-gusto ko kasing marinig ang boses niya tuwing matatapos akong kumain. May mga oras lang talaga na wala akong magawa kung hindi maghintay sa tawag niya dahil hindi ko naman siya puwedeng abalahin.

"Kobe," I called.

He looked back. "Hmm?"

I miss you.