In the Midst of the Crowd (Loser #1)

Chapter 32

"I'm sorry. The baby didn't make it."

Those were the first words I heard when I regained consciousness. Hindi ako nagmulat agad ng mata pero naramdaman ko ang paglaglag ng mga luha ko. I knew everyone was here. Rinig ko ang pagsinghap nila sa gulat. I clenched my fist firmly, trying my best not to have a mental breakdown.

I felt someone hold my hand. Dahan-dahan akong nagmulat at nakita ko si Kobe na nakaupo sa gilid ko, magulo ang buhok at may namumuong luha sa mata. His large hands held mine like it was the only thing that was keeping him sane. Kahit nagtama ang mga mata namin ay yumuko lang siya. Wala akong ibang nagawa kung hindi ang panoorin ang tahimik na pagtangis niya.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't.

Inilibot ko ang tingin sa buong silid at nakita ang buong pamilya Gallardo. Don Lucho was gazing at his son with a pained expression. Gaya ni Kobe ay wala rin sa ayos ang buhok at damit niya. Ate Clea and Elliot were apologetically looking at me... and it made me feel small and inferior. I bit my lower lip tightly before turning my gaze to Tita Penelope, who had a small bandage on her temple. Unlike the rest of her family, her voice was void of any emotion.

I breathed deeply when I felt a strong punch in my heart. So... these are the people for whom I have been living for the past few months. These are the people whom I was trying so hard to please. The people who I thought would welcome me like a family.

"I'm sorry..." Naramdaman ko ang pamamasa ng kamay kong hawak pa rin ni Kobe. "I'm really... really... sorry."

My heart throbbed, but I didn't say anything again. I have no energy to do that. Masakit ang buong katawan ko at kumikirot ang sintido ko.

Kobe's hand tightened against me and his shoulders started moving. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin doon. He was crying... in front of me... in front of his family.

I closed my eyes and, with a heavy heart, I forcefully removed his hands from mine.

"K-Karsen..." His voice trembled.

Yumuko ako at paulit-ulit na umiling. I want them gone. Ayoko sa kanila. Natatakot ako sa kanila.

"Karsen!"

Tuluyang bumagsak ang luha ko nang marinig ang boses ni Ate Kat. Binuksan niya ang pinto at sa likuran niya ay sina Mari at Mill na humahangos din.

"A-A-Ate Kat..." Humikbi ako.

Dali-dali silang lumapit sa akin at naramdaman ko agad ang mga kamay nila sa katawan ko. Pumasok din sa silid si Eddie pero nanatili siya sa pinto.

"S-Saan masakit, ha?" malambing na tanong ni Ate Kat habang paulit-ulit na hinahaplos ang mukha ko. Puno ng luha ang mga mata niya. "Ano'ng gagawin ni ate?"

Lalo akong napahikbi. Tiningnan ko ang tatlong kaibigan at sa unang beses matapos ang napakahabang panahon, nakahinga ako nang maluwag.

"P-Paano ako?" hinang-hinang tanong ko. "A-Ate... paano ako?"

Naramdaman ko ang paglayo ni Kobe sa akin ngunit hindi ko na siya tinapunan ng tingin. I just cried... all the tears that I didn't shed... I cried it all out.

"You still have her," malamyos na bulong sa akin ni Mill. "Y-Your daughter... you still have her."

Her... my gift from God is a girl.

Everything was a blur after that. Eddie told the doctor my wish and he was also the one who called my friends. Sinabi niya sa akin na nang makita niya akong tumatakbo ay hinabol niya ako. He said that he was calling my name hysterically, but I didn't stop running. Nasa paligid lang siya dahil nagpa-print siya ng handouts para sa isang subject. If it weren't for him, my baby couldn't have made it.