Who made me Penelope Judith?

28. More heartbreak

Anastacius just left and I'm pretty damn glad about it. It's been about a week since this asshole has been holding me captive in this stupid locked guest room. It's as if I'm his little toy he's allowed to play with however he likes.

I'm done with him. I feel like I've erased all the positive happy funny things I've once liked about him. I erased all of our happy moments. They were all engulfed in the blackhole of his sins.

He visits once a day to 'check' on me.

Well he can fuck off for all I care, all I do is throw my stuff on him and yell.

I'm not stupid. Okay yes maybe I am pregnant. Who knows. I have no symptoms. I still have an itty bitty waist. He says so but at this point, I don't want to believe anything he says.

If he's right, well...RIP me!!!!!!

Well that sorta set my fate. If he's right, well then all my efforts would've been for nothing. I'd still meet my end dead, giving birth to Jeannette. As a matter of fact, as unpleasant as that is, I don't mind, there are worse ways to die. I don't hate Jeannette, I never will. It's just the idea of her conception, how the heck it is that she came into the world, that disgusts me a bit. I don't like the idea of carrying Anastacius's child. Honestly, I don't like it. I don't like the amount of black magic and ill intentions he put in.

But still, after all I've done...

I can't believe I'm going to die this way.

The plot didn't even change that much. What if nothing's changed at all. What if at the end all what's left of me will still be that big portrait that Claude will keep in his bedroom?

I don't care as long as he ends up happy. Not with me however.

It was kinda clear to me now. I can no longer be his. Jeannette isn't his child, even if he accepts her, it'll strain our relationship and be very disadvantaging and awkward for him and thus.

How I hate Anastacius for taking it all from us.

Honestly.

I hate him.

There are servants that come and go to deliver my food. They're all mute, which must be very convenient for Anastacius. They can't say a word about me being here to anybody else nor communicate with me.

Do I hate him any less for this?

No 👏 I 👏 Don't 👏

Sometimes when he comes in and I run out of things to throw, I just ignore him, giving him the silent treatment, the cold shoulder, the 'I dislike you to the deepest parts of my own being' eyes. And then he tells me about his day.

I 👏 don't 👏 care 👏 about 👏 his 👏 frickin 👏 day 👏 anymore 👏

Unless he mentions his mother or anybody else because at least I still have interest in other people. Anybody but him honestly.

I wonder about Claude everyday and he doesn't say a thing about him. He just tells me to forget about Claude since he belongs to the past.

How about...

No.

Claude is my past, my present, and was supposed to be my future.

Anastacius b*tch.

Until the day I die, because goddamnit ugly and distrustful Anastacius just shortened my life, I will keep thinking about Claude because...Because. I am so regretful. I miss him. But I'm almost not allowed to.

Believe me, I want Jeannette to live.

But heck, I want to be with Claude too. Perhaps even more than I want the kid.