UNFORGETTABLE // B.E

TWENTY SEVEN

sage

it's been a few weeks since billie went back to los angeles.

turns out, a long distance relationship is a lot harder than either of us expected it to be...

we've both been so busy recently. we haven't had much time to talk.

billie's tour was announced and the tickets for it went on sale. the entire tour sold out, and i don't think i could be any prouder than i am.

just back in december, she was rambling about how cool it would be to have a sold out tour and to imagine it. now she actually has one.

though, since it sold out, she's had a lot of tour rehearsals. she's dead-set on having the outcome perfect, and she's working hard on it.

again, we've both been super busy.

though, usually, whenever i get enough free time to call her, she's busy. then when she's not busy and tries to call me, i'm busy again, or vice-versa. we've just been... out of sync..? i don't know.

i hate it so much though. i hate being so far apart from her.

i already miss her so much, and i just want to be in her arms again.

i didn't have work today, so i've kinda been just sulking around my apartment since i woke up. me and billie haven't talked today besides our usual "good morning" and "i love you" texts.

i'm wearing one of billie's hoodies and a pair of sweatpants that she had left here. they both smell like her, and it's so comforting.

before she left, she gave me her perfume bottle so that i could use it whenever and for when her clothes didn't smell like her anymore. it was cute as hell.

after she had left, she had admitted that she "kinda sorta maybe stole one of my perfume bottles in return."

fair enough.

anyways, i've been laying in my bed for well over an hour now. my blanket is wrapped tightly around me, and the hood of billie's hoodie is thrown over my head haphazardly. i've got music playing through a speaker.

i was doing relatively okay until n y l a by blackbear started playing. it made the tears flow, and i've been crying, almost sobbing, since then.

"i missed you today, so bad that it hurt," definitely just hit.

i blame it all on my period. i've been so over-emotional all week because of it.

i tried to stop crying, but it was pointless. my breathing was uneven, i kept hiccuping, and i couldn't think clearly to even attempt to calm myself down.

before long, i was covering my mouth as i made my to the bathroom. i kneeled beside the toilet, and i vomited.

i haven't cried to the point of throwing up since i was a kid... it was only one time, and it was because i fell off the top of the jungle gym at school and broke my arm.

once i felt okay enough to stand up, i brushed my teeth to get rid of the foul taste in my mouth. i tried my best not to look in the mirror, because i knew that my face was swollen and blotchy, and just not something i needed to see at the moment.

after i was done in the bathroom, i walked back over to my bed. i collapsed onto it, and i got under my blanket again.

i hope that billie is able to come back to new york soon. i need one of her hugs so badly right now.

[|]

i let out a low groan as i was woken up to the sound of my phone ringing. i rubbed at my eyes as i turned to look at my alarm clock. it was nearing eleven at night.

there goes my sleep schedule.

i patted around for my phone until i found it. when i did, i smiled as i saw that it was billie trying to facetime me. it's about seven p.m, almost eight p.m in los angeles right now.

i answered the facetime, though i turned my camera off. "hi, baby!" i greeted. my voice came out all scratchy and raspy though from all the crying i did earlier.

"hi, princess," i watched as she grinned, though her brows furrowed. "did i wake you up? i'm sorry."

"no, no, it's okay; don't worry about it," i assured her.

"okay... why is your camera off? lemme see your pretty face," she demanded in a bit of a whine.

"nooo," i denied.

"why not?" she pouted. "are you okay?"

"i'm fine, my love," i murmured.

"turn your camera on then," she told me again.

i let out a sigh. i knew she wasn't going to drop it, so i turned my camera on. i didn't show my face though. it just pointed up at the ceiling.

"now lemme see your face," she said in her baby voice. "your gorgeous, lil' angel face."

"nuh-uh," i mumbled stubbornly, though i could feel my face heat up.

"sav, please. i miss you, and i miss your face," she pouted again.

"you get to see my face," she pointed out as she poked her index fingers into her dimples. "so, i think it's only fair that you lemme see your's."

i let out another sigh before i reluctantly showed her. it didn't look as bad as i thought it would, but you can definitely tell that i had been crying. when she frowned, i dropped my phone onto my bed so that she was looking at the ceiling again.

"baby... what happened?" she questioned cautiously, though she spoke in a soft and caring tone.

"it's nothing. i'm just on my period; you don't have to worry," i told her. when she sent me a look, i sighed once more. "and i miss you a lot."

her frown deepened. "i miss you a lot too. i promise i'm trying to come see you. i've just been busy, and i've had almost no free time, and everything just— i'm trying, baby."

"i know," i assured. "i know, lovebug; i'm not blaming you or anyone. i just miss you, that's all."

she let out a deep breath. "i love you. hopefully we'll see each other soon."

"hopefully," i agreed quietly.

it was silent for a bit. we ended up talking more, but we changed the subject.

"you should try and make some friends in new york, mama. so you're not just alone all the time. cleo still isn't gonna be back in new york for a while. it'd be good for you to have some friends there," billie suggested.

"i dunno. i'm not the type of person to just easily be able to make new friends," i pointed out.

"yeah, but at least try, yeah? for me? it'd be comforting to know you have some friends there instead of being alone all of the time," she admittedly almost guiltily.

she's worried about me being here all alone.

i let out a sigh. "okay, i'll try. no promises though."

"thank you," she murmured. "i love you," she told me again.

"i love you."

[|]

a/n ayoo

thoughts?

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words:
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