Nothing But Bad

Thirteen

Arden
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   It shouldn't surprise me that I woke up somewhere dark, somewhere cold. It didn't surprise me, but I didn't know why it hurt so much.

   Sometimes I forget. Sometimes I don't remember all the things I've done. I don't think about the fact that I'm not one of them. I need to work on that.

   "You're awake." His voice causes my head to snap up. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to look at him. "I didn't want to put it on you. I also didn't want to believe that you betrayed us."

   "I didn't want to. I had to." I don't look at him, I don't want him to see the pain in my eyes. I thought I could be strong. I thought I could hurt them all without hurting myself, I was wrong.

   Levi sighs, "I want to believe that."

   I look around the room. It's dim and bare, with a mirror that covered an entire wall. A weird feeling settles in my stomach. I felt as if I was being watched, and not just by Levi. I look at Levi again. "Are people watching?" I ask.

   He doesn't spare a glance at the mirrored wall, but he knew that was what I was looking at. "Yes."

   Is he watching? I wanted to ask. But instead asked, "Why don't they just come in here?"

   "They don't want to talk to you." They, we both know who that really was. It hurt, it hurt a lot. I wanted to hate them. I did hate him. So why does it hurt?

   I look away from the mirror, turning my head towards Levi. I rather him see the hurt in my face than the coward hidden behind a wall. His face softens seeing mine.

   "I am sorry." A tear slips down my face. He kneels down, touching my cheek. I was sorry. Sorry he lost someone he loved. Sorry he lost the girl he loved.

   "I am too." And he was. Not for the bracelet, not for betraying me, but for who I lost. The friend I lost. We both lost someone. We loved her different ways, but we loved her jsut the same.

   I'm about to say something, but the door opening stops me. I turn, and the whole world starts to spin. I instantly stand up. The air is sucked from my lungs. I see him, and I'm no longer in the room with Levi. It's just me and him. I stare at him, with emotions I couldn't even start to describe.

   It's as if the betrayal had never happened. For just that moment, I had completely forgotten all about it.

   He stared at me, and the realization came spiraling back. He had looked at me for a second, before looking away back to Levi. He had looked at me as if he had no idea who I was. As if all our kisses and all our talks, had meant nothing. Didn't happen.

   Though I tell myself over and over I hate him, there's still a small part of me that wants to remember. Every kiss, every touch, every whisper.

   Say something, I wanted to whisper. Tell me you hate me, scream at me, anything, just say something.

   What I didn't expect, was for him to say these words. "Miss me?" His voice seeped through me like liquid bitterness. He doesn't look at me as he says it. I don't want him to look at me. I don't want to see his eyes. I didn't want to see the hate, I knew it would be my undoing.

   Christian walks in after him, always a small smile on his face. "So you guys going to hug it out or...." I could tell he felt bad for his friend. He wasn't happy, but always kept a smile on his face. I knew it was for his friend. I knew he wanted to crack jokes to lighten the mood. Anything to take away his friend's pain.

  I wanted Will to feel that pain though, bathe in it. Because it's exactly how I felt. It's exactly what he did to me.

   Hate sticked to my tongue. I wanted him to hurt. I wanted to be mean, even if I didn't actually mean it. I just wanted him to hurt the way I did. So I chose a path to take, "I wouldn't touch him with a ten foot pole." I reply with bitterness. His eyes find their way to mine.

   I saw the hate I predicted. "I wouldn't do anything dealing with her." He spit out.

   I smirk, a hateful smirk. "Except kneel." Bringing up a thing he said to me on one of the intimate nights we shared.

      "You know Arden," he smirks standing. "You should be honored."

   "Should I?" I tease looking up At him, "and why's that?"

   "A prince kneels to no one." His eyes are bright and wild.

   "A prince kneels the the king and queen." My eyes are just as crazed as his.

   "I kneel for no one."  He says lowering himself to the floor. "No one, but you."

His eyes flash with something, remembering that night that felt so long ago. I make a choice to forget every memory of us at this moment. I choose to lock them all away. All I want to remember right now, is that he betrayed me.

"That was a mistake, one of many I burden. But one I won't make again." He promises. Either Levi or Christian suck in a nervous breath. Knowing at what we were hinting.

"You say that as if you hate me." I give him a sarcastic smile. One I knew would piss him off more, one that did.

"You ruin things Arden." He spits out. "You ruined the school, everyone's trust, Gwen." I feel the temperature of the room drastically drop. My breath hitches at her name, my cocky smirk falls. I see Levi's gaze drop from us. Christian looks towards the door. "You're the reason she's dead. Don't think anyone has forgotten that." I look at them again, they looked everywhere but me. Did they really blame me?

"I didn't..." he cuts me off, taking a step forwards.

"We will never forget. She's dead, and it's your fault." My eyes start to water. Taking every slice his words cut. "It should have been you." His words sound so true. "It's my fault it wasn't," his voice hitches. "I should have pulled the trigger on you a long time ago. Then she would be here. Happy, laughing, none of this would have ever happened. Carter would be here." My eyes widen, at what he was saying.

"Carter is dead?" I whisper.

"That's your fault too. You should be dead, not them. Death follows you like a plague. I will cherish the day it catches up to you."

A loud slap rings through the room. I had slapped him. Hard, fast, unthinking. I shouldn't have done that. It's just his words were true. It was my fault our friends were gone. It made me hate myself, it made me take out the anger I felt towards myself towards him.

"I-" I was going to apologize, but he speaks before I can.

"I hope that made you feel better about yourself." He spits out, turning towards the door leaving.
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