What Actually Happened With Thorin in Mirkwood

Dori (Or, I Still Hate Elves)

Thranduil: *throws cape onto throne* Well, I'm back.

Maeron: I will inform your son, sire.

Thranduil: Oh, no need for that. I'm sure that--

*doors burst open*

Legolas: Do you have any idea what I've been through??

Thranduil: ...oh, my.

Legolas: *annoyed* I tried to teach calming techniques to that one dwarf and....

Thranduil: *mildly* I told you you couldn't reason with them.

Legolas: Well, I won't try that again at any rate.

Thranduil: What else did I miss?

Legolas: Oh, nothing. Just me crying in a corner.

Thranduil: *concerned* Really?

Legolas: Almost, okay? Almost.

Thranduil: Well, Arwen says Elrond's doing fine, if you were wondering.

Legolas: *crossly* When is he not doing fine??

Thranduil: Would you be fine if your only daughter hooks up with some mortal man-of-the-mountains? That's why I think she said he was at the Healing River Resort and Spa for the weekend?

Legolas: Oh, yeah, I remember when Elladan told me about Arwen and Aragorn!

Thranduil: Poor Elrond. That's like if you had a thing with some girl from Rohan or something.

Legolas: ...ew. Why would I do that?

Thranduil: Who knows. I would disown you, of course....Kids these days...

Legolas: *rolls eyes* Well, that's not happening. Anyway, here's your schedule. *hands him scroll*

Thranduil: *eyes widen as he reads* TWO?? Legolas, I can't interrogate two dwarves in one day! I'll disintegrate!

Legolas: *grins* But then you'll get it over with more quickly!

Thranduil: *doubtfully* I suppose...

Legolas: *satisfied* Bring him in, Maeron.

Maeron: *bows, opens doors*

Dori: *walks in interestedly* ...and the supporting arches...Just beautiful!

Thranduil: Admiring the architecture, are we?

Dori: I must admit, the craftsmanship is superb.

Legolas: Finally, a dwarf who appreciates it.

Thranduil: *amused* I agree. Well, we're off to a good start so far. Legolas, you didn't tell me they progressively got more civilized.

Legolas: *irritated* They don't. It was luck of the draw.

Dori: Well, I don't suppose we can get started? It's getting dark out.

Legolas: How would you know? We're underground!

Dori: Dwarves, you see, we have internal clocks. Helps keep the time when we're mining for gold, deep in our mines.

Thranduil: Great. Fab. I don't care, we get started when I want, not when you want.

Dori: Fine. There's no need to panic.

Thranduil: Nobody's panicking. I'm honestly just at the end of my tether with you lot.

Dori: Funny, I actually haven't done anything.

Legolas: Don't you start, dwarf. The King must suffer two of you today and he is in no mood to banter.