What Actually Happened With Thorin in Mirkwood

Nori (Or, Nice Beard, Nice Hair, Nice Silverware)

Legolas: Do you like, need anything or something?

Thranduil: I need you to stop saying "like" and use good grammar, thanks.

Legolas: *scowls* I was trying to be nice, I was sorry I made you do two interrogations today.

Thranduil: Was? Oh, dear me, don't let's be disagreeable, hmm?

Legolas: *tiredly* Shall I call them in now, then?

Thranduil: May as well.

*5 min later*

Thranduil: *snickers* Nice hair.

Nori: It's an art.

Thranduil: Painting is an art. Your hair is a disaster.

Legolas: Or a fossilised starfish.

Nori: Alright, you yellow mongrel, what do you want with me.

Thanduil: Do... not... speak... to... me... like... that... ever... again....*struts up to him* Is...that...clear?

Legolas: Nice job.

Nori: Nice attitude.

Thranduil: *sighs* I knew you were trouble when you walked in!

Legolas: Isn't that a song?

Thranduil: Yes, about this insolent wretch. *looks annoyed* So, do you have any information other than you showed up with Gandalf, who left, you were hungry, Thorin used all his arrows trying to hit a stag which would have resulted in his immediate execution, you ran into some spiders, and "because we were starving"?

Nori: *pleasantly* No, not really.

Thranduil: Great. I would love to kick you out right now but the guards are on supper break.

Legolas: It's that late already!? Heavens, Ada, just go get some more guards!

Thranduil: That requires me physically leaving the room, something I certainly won't do as this one is a known thief.

Legolas: Oh, right, Gloín mentioned that.

Thranduil: There you have it.

Legolas: But I have my gold embossed bow with me! And what about your crown?

Thranduil: I'd like to see him try. Besides, I'm wearing it. No dwarf in his right mind could even reach my crown.

Legolas: True. Well, Nori--that is what they call you, right?

Nori: I suppose.

Thranduil: Elrond mentioned in his last letter "a dwarf with starfish hair"

Legolas: *chokes* His name could be Elfin.

Thranduil: Star-hair? *snorts* Well, it is quite literal.

Nori: *grunts angrily* Don't insult my style!

Legolas: Nice style, Elfin.

Nori: Don't speak your horrid language to me!

Legolas: Oh, apologies. *makes a bunch of incoherent noises*

Thranduil: Legolas, what in Arda are you doing?

Legolas: Sorry, I was attempting to speak Dwarvish.

Thranduil: Sounds about right.

Nori: Oh, Mahal.

Legolas: Don't you "Oh, Mahal" me! You know he's actually one of the Valar.

Nori: I'm going to ignore you.

Thranduil: Well, that's nice. Since it looks like we'll be here awhile--hold on.