What Actually Happened With Thorin in Mirkwood

Ori (Or, Diamonds and Diplomacy)

Thranduil: *aimlessly wandering around*

Legolas: Ada what are you doing

Thranduil: Hmm? Oh, just avoiding Aradan and Raír.

Legolas: ...today's guards?

Thranduil: They are, indeed.

Legolas: *still confused* Why, now?

Thranduil: I'm so sick.

Legolas: I'm assuming you aren't talking about mortal afflictions.

Thranduil: Obviously not. Who do you think I am, Arathorn?!

Legolas: Ouch.

Thranduil: That's right. No, I'm talking about dwarves.

Legolas: That's what I thought. I was under the impression that you were finished uselessly interrogating them and they will now permanently live in the basement?

Thranduil: *sigh* I was being optimistic.

Legolas: Well, if it were me, I would go deal with it.

Thranduil: I'm getting there!

Legolas: Doesn't look like it.

Thranduil: *still standing there* Well, I am!

Legolas: Oookay then. Bye now.

Thranduil: *yelps* Where are you going?!

Legolas: I have commitments.

Thranduil: Nobody told me we were being invaded.

Legolas: What? We're being invaded?

Thranduil: *stonily* Isn't that the only reason you would ever dream of abandoning me at this difficult time?

Legolas: *sighs* Nobody was abandoning you. Stop whining!

Thranduil: FOR YOUR INFORMATION, KINGS DON'T WHINE, LOOKS LIKE ALL YOU PEASANTS WANNA DULL MY SHINE, BUT YOU'RE MISTAKEN IF YOU THINK I'M GAME--YOUR ACCUSATIONS ARE REALLY LAME!!!

Legolas: Are you rapping?!?!

Thranduil: AT LEAST WITH THESE BEATS I CAN EXPRESS MYSELF WITHOUT YOU IGNORING MY NEED OF HELP.

Legolas: Please stop.

Thranduil: Then stop being obnoxious and help!

Legolas: Fine...please just never rap again.

Thranduil: I knew that would work.

Legolas: *rolls eyes exasperatedly*

*5 min later*

Thranduil: Okay, why?

Ori: Why what?

Thranduil: Don't act stupid.

Legolas: But is he acting?

Thranduil: Shh, I'm trying to be diplomatic!

Ori: I have a question.

Thranduil: Funny, me too.

Legolas: What?

Ori: May I have a handkerchief?

Thranduil: What?

Legolas: A what?

Ori: You know. To wipe my nose.

Legolas: *blankly* To wipe your nose?

Thranduil: And here I thought your skin just absorbed it...