What Actually Happened With Thorin in Mirkwood

Dwalin (or, Curses on the Stubbornness of Dwarves)

Legolas: You're going WHERE?

Thranduil: I have to go to Rivendell, Legolas, it's unavoidable. So stop whining.

Legolas. I'm noooot!!

Thranduil: Yes. You are.

Legolas: But why do you have to go?? Lord Elrond doesn't even like you.

Thranduil: That is an utter falsity, Legolas. We may not be blood brothers, but our friendship has outlasted the reigns of many.

Legolas: *crosses arms and looks sour* But then I have to rule in your stead!!

Thranduil: *looks confused* I thought that was your favorite part?

Legolas: Yes, on normal days when we don't have clumps of dwarves in our basement needing to be interrogated.

Thranduil: Whoops, I guess you'll just have to manage.

Legolas: Ada!

Thranduil: Oh, stop it. You sound like you're 65 all over again! Besides, I'll only be gone for a few days.

Legolas: Fine. Have a nice life.

Thranduil: *offended* Yes, I think I will. Cheers! *stalks out*

Legolas: *sighs* Maeron!

Guard: *appears* Yes, my Prince?

Legolas: Send for another dwarf, please.

*********************5 min. later*********************

Guards: *open doors*

Dwalin: *stomps in*

Legolas: *sulkily* Please stop making noise, you're hurting my ears.

Dwalin: *ignores him* What do you lot want?

Legolas: Incidentally, I was going to ask you that.

Dwalin: Well, I'd like food. We're kinda starving in those rat holes.

Legolas: WHY does everyone keep insulting our dungeons? They're really quite beautiful, if you would take a moment to stop whining and appreciate the architecture.

Dwalin: Honestly, prison always looks better from the outside.

Legolas: Then you would do better to not getting thrown in there to begin with!

Dwalin: THAT'S NOT OUR FAULT!!

Legolas: It really isn't my fault, either, soooo...

Dwalin: No, you're right. It wasn't; it was your blasted father's!

Legolas: *furious* Don't speak about him as such. The King knows how to be diplomatic.

Dwalin: No he doesn't!

Legolas: Okay actually how does he even handle you people.

Dwalin: Probably our superior bloodlines.

Legolas: You don't have----wait. Guards, I will be back shortly. Do not let him escape.

Guards: *nod*

Legolas: *runs into library* Where is it?? *looks on 2746 shelves* Oh, here it is! *runs back* 

Guards: *snoring* 

Dwalin: *tapping his foot impatiently* 

Legolas: Guards! 

Guards: *wake up* Y-yes, my Lord? Gravest apologies. 

Legolas: At least he didn't get away. 

Guards: Well, you see, we...made an invention so that he wouldnt...*shows rope tied to foot tied to Dwalin* 

Legolas: Ah, good job. *to Dwalin* Anyway, I brought something to help, okay?