Thranduil: *muttering to himself* Dwarves make me so cross. And being cross makes me hungry. *yells* Legolas!
*no answer*
Thranduil: Legolas?
*no answer*
Thranduil: *sigh* Honestly, what am I supposed to do, get it myself? Aren't there any guards in this place? Hello?!
*distant echo*
Thranduil: *yells* Fine! *walks to kitchen* I guess I'll just cut some carrots...Where are the carrots? Ah, here they are. *begins to wash and cut them*
Legolas: *runs in* AWH, thanks, just what I wanted. *takes carrots*
Thranduil: Excuse you.
Legolas: Sorry, I have to run.
Thranduil: No you don't! Where have you been?
Legolas: I have to go on patrol, it's my shift. Seriously, chill out. Make a sandwich or something.
Thranduil: Thanks for nothing! *grumbles* And bread has carbs!
Legolas: I know, that's why I have to eat carrots. Bye! *runs out*
Thranduil: Good-for-nothing...*sighs* Does anyone know where the salad is? No? Okay. *looks around* I shouldn't even have to know where it is, other people are supposed to make my food! Ah, here it is. Guess I have to make salad dressing now. *sets lettuce on the counter*
Thranduil: *turns around* Where's the lettuce? Legolas!! Stop nicking my food!
*no answer*
Thranduil: This is ridiculous. *grabs an apple instead* I'm going to go reaffirm my royal supremacy!!
*struts out*
Legolas: Varion, take the eastern border with three others. Aradan, you'll have to come with me, but Narel, shadow us until we reach the--Hold on, excuse me.
Thranduil: Yes, that's right! Excuse you!
Legolas: *confused* Pardon me, my King, what do you mean? *whispers* Ada, go away, I'm in the middle of something.
Thranduil: *shrieks* I think you know what I mean! Stop taking my food!
Legolas: *sighs* If you're still mad about the carrots--
Thranduil: I let those slide because I THOUGHT I was having a salad!
Legolas: So go have a salad! This isn't my problem!
Thranduil: It isn't your problem? You're the one who took it while I was about to eat it, SON!
Legolas: Took what?
Thranduil: The lettuce! What am I supposed to eat?!
Legolas: I definitely have not eaten lettuce today. So stop accusing me!
Thranduil: So who took it, the necromancer?!
Legolas: Are you calling me a necromancer?! Wow, rude.
Thranduil: Well, you're acting like one! Are you admitting you took my lettuce?
Legolas: No, because I didn't!
Thranduil: Some story. Since you seem to know so much about my problems, then who else eats salad? Who else was even in the palace?
Legolas: Maybe the dwarves--
Thranduil: Oh, are they magical now? Taking food from the kitchens while they're LOCKED UP IN THE BASEMENT??? Dwarves don't even eat green food, or they would be a lot slimmer!
Legolas: Oh, right. You know what, make a darn smoothie or something, I'm over here trying to keep your stupid kingdom safe!
Thranduil: Am I supposed to thank you? Do you want a gold star?
Legolas: Do you want to apologize for coming out here to harass me about some lettuce you probably lost?
Thranduil: *indignantly* I did not loose it!
Legolas: Well, it's been lovely. Enjoy your "mystery", I will be out defending your borders, my King.
Thranduil: *scowling* A smoothie is a good idea...
*three hours later*
Legolas: *tiredly* That was a long shift, I'm starving. *walks to kitchens* Typical drama queen Ada. I think I will eat some bread, I think I've earned a treat...*cuts a piece of bread and sets it on a plate*
Head cook: *walking in* *bows* Le sulion, hir vuin (My Lord), I hope we have stocked all that you need.
Legolas: Of course, and you do a good job.
Cook: Thank you, you are too kind. We recently got some new cheese, would you like to try some? I was going to try some on the meal tonight. If you'll just come with me?
Legolas: Yes, sounds good. *gets up and leaves*
Cook: This is an aged cheese, straight from the best dairies in the East.
Legolas: *tries a piece* This is very nice, it would pair well with artichoke and olives, I think. May I take a piece?
Cook: Of course!
Legolas: Thank you. It will taste good with this bread...*leaves* *walks back into kitchen* *notices empty plate* If I had any bread! *runs out* ADA! Are you trying to get back at me or something? I didn't take your lettuce, okay! I swear, just give my bread back!
Thranduil: *walking quickly down the hallway* Will you stop yelling?! I'm trying to have an official meeting!
Legolas: Then don't keep trying to take revenge or whatever you're doing, I'm just got back and I'm hungry.
Thranduil: What?
Legolas: Are we playing this game again? The bread I was going to eat just now?
Thranduil: *blankly* What about it?
Legolas: *annoyed* It's gone, obviously!
Thranduil: Hold on, you were going to eat bread? What happened to "Bread has carbs"?
Legolas: Okay, you said that.
Thranduil: Well, you agreed!
Legolas: You know what, because I deserve it!
Thranduil: *raising eyebrow* Are you suggesting I took it?
Legolas: Basically.
Thranduil: Well, this may come as a surprise, but I generally try to be original with my retaliation strategies. So no, I didn't take your petty bread.
Legolas: Fine, I will go cut another piece to eat with my cheese. Have fun at your meeting. *stalks out*
Thranduil: Honestly, kids these days!
Legolas: *walks into the kitchen*
*the cheese is gone*
Legolas: This is ridiculous. I'm going to take a bath.
Bilbo Baggins: *standing in a corner trying not to burst out laughing*
YOU ARE READING
What Actually Happened With Thorin in Mirkwood
FanfictionThorin Oakenshield and Co. show up in Mirkwood. But after being arrested, the sassy Elvenking and his son have a few words for them.
