What Actually Happened With Thorin in Mirkwood

Gloín (or, Ha I Stole Your Stuff )

Thranduil: *really irritated*

Legolas: My King, are you well?

Thranduil: Quite. *scowls*

Legolas: Yes, that's quite apparent. What happened?

Thanduil: Two of my guards have informed me that there was an Orc raid this morning east of the forest river.

Legolas: Buuut they took care of it, right?

Thranduil: Supposedly.

Legolas: .......and this is angering to you because why again?

Thranduil: They all were killed except for one. And I have to interrogate him, too. *frowns* Hold on, don't I have another dwarf-rock-pest to interrogate?

Legolas: Well...uhh....I was thinking we should let....Aradan or like Lindir or someone to do it instead....

Thranduil: How in Arda would we get Lindir here?! Use your head, Legolas.

Legolas: *indignant* I am! If it fits, it ships, for a low flat rate!

Thanduil: Don't be ridiculous, we both know you cannot mail elves.

Legolas: I was jesting. Honestly. But...after....last time... *winces*

Thranduil: Calm down, those were desperate measures. Plus I just got some new tea.

Legolas: Okay, fine. *raises voice* Bring him in!

Doors: *fall open*

Guards: Ouch stop it! *shakes dwarf*

Thranduil: *lazy smile* Well, well, what do we have here?

Gloín: *huffs irritably* Tell your guards to unhand me!!!

Legolas: Not unless you calm the Haldir down, dwarf.

Gloín: I am calm!! *crosses arms*

Thranduil: Fine, fine. Let him go.

Guards: *let go of Gloín's coat*

Gloín: *pulls away and glares*

Thranduil: Alright, let's make this quick. So why were you---

Gloín: Ha! You think I shall tell you our motives! *laughs*

Thranduil: Did you just interrupt me? Never inturrupt the king, you impertinent creature!

Gloín: WhatEVER!

Thranduil: Are you related directly to Thorin as well? All of you are so....rude. Just so rude.

Gloín: Of course not! I am cousin to Balin and Dwalin, directly related to the great Durin the Deathless himself! My son, Gimlí, alas for he was too young to come, but he shall one day be a great and mighty warrior!!

Legolas: Hold on--you have a son?

Gloín: Indeed, Elf, and he is very dear to me.

Legolas: OH OH OH OH OH OH HOLD ON!!!!

Thranduil: What is the matter, Legolas?!

Legolas: HA HA HA I KNOW I KNOW!!

Thranduil: WHAT?!

Legolas: *smirks* He's the one who spawned that goblin mutant!

Gloín: YOU!?

Legolas: *self-satisfied smirk* Yesss, it's me!

Thranduil: Can I know? Oh, wait, of course I can. I'M THE KING!!

Legolas: This torpid creature is one who was fortunate enough to be brought to me so I could search him!