Scars (Ziam)

To Be Happy

This update is late, and I am so sorry! I did a lot of family things for my birthday over the weekend, so it was difficult to find time to write.

But... Spring Break is coming, so I should have a bit more time!

Warning: This chapter does depict an anxiety attack, so please read cautiously if that triggers you in any way. As someone with anxiety, I completely understand needing a moment or just needing to talk. I am always here, loves. ❤

Also, there is some cute Ziam at the end! Enjoy! :)

Chapter 43:

"Anything new happen?" Niall wondered as he focused on his writing. I was still staring at a blank page, thinking about the prompt I was given.

I was supposed to write about things that still managed to bring me hope, but it was a little hard to consider myself full of any hope at all at times. There was far too much going on in my mind to properly process my thoughts.

"Not really. Why?" I wondered. He looked up at me and shrugged.

"I don't know. You seem... different. More relaxed. Happy, almost."

My eyebrows rose in surprise at his observation. I guess I never really thought about my emotions beyond the ones I was so familiar with already. But, looking inward after Niall's comment, I realized that there was a sort of ease within me. It wasn't very large, not by a longshot, but it was beginning to take place.

I never knew that was an emotion I was allowed to have.

"I started talking with my family again," I admitted. "It's not exactly easy, but I like that our feelings are out in the open now. I want to be close to them like I used to be. I just need to figure out how to get there."

"That's good," Niall voiced, looking up at me and laying his pencil down by his paper. "You know, after I lost my grandfather, I completely shut down on the rest of my family. A part of me felt that they wouldn't understand how deep the pain went or that they wouldn't care, and another part felt like I shouldn't bother them too much with my own sadness when they were upset themselves. Do you think you feel that way at all?"

"Yes," I responded almost automatically. It was as if Niall summed up the feeling all in one sentence. Even if our situations were different, I could easily relate to his thought process.

"It makes sense," He nodded, offering a supportive smile. "I'm really glad you're getting back to them now, though. I've only met them once, but they seem to care and love you a lot."

"I know they do. I love them just as much."

"So, what about that guy? Um... Zayn?" He questioned, trying out the name.

I nodded, looking down at my blank page and feeling my cheeks heat up. I could still remember the way Zayn's lips felt against my own, making mine tingle in longing-- forever stained with the ghost of his kiss. It was something close to beautiful, and it was mine.

"He seems like a nice guy," Niall thought aloud.

"He is. He's very kind... and patient... and caring."

I took a chance, glancing up at Niall before quickly shooting my gaze downward again. I didn't miss the small gleam in his eyes, as if he was teasing me.

"Do you like him?" He asked.

I should have seen the question coming, but it still manages to catch me off guard. My face became hotter than ever before, probably making the scars stand out even more in a hideous shade of scarlet. I lowered my face, covering it with my hands in embarrassment.