Scars (Ziam)

The Ledge

So this update is a little late, but I hope that you all enjoy it. Zayn will not be shown in this chapter, but it does give some insight into what state of mind Liam is in. Don't worry, Zayn will return momentarily. :)

WARNING: The topics mentioned in this chapter can be triggering. Please read carefully and know that I am always here to talk if you need someone to chat with. Nobody is ever alone.

Chapter 12:

I laid in bed, staring at the clock. It read 3:15 a.m.

I couldn't sleep. I couldn't force my thoughts to dissipate. I didn't know why I signed that application. I regretted it.

If people found out that I was working there, maybe they'd all stop going to the café. Maybe they'd all be so appalled that they wouldn't offer their patronage to Zayn's uncle any longer. I couldn't do that to them. They were good people... in a world where I didn't think good people existed outside of my family.

I thought about Harry and how he instantly smiled at me the first time we met. He even encouraged me to hold my head up high, but maybe that was all for show. Still, I didn't think a club could be so desperate for members that they pretended to be nice to me. There was also a certain aspect to Harry. He seemed genuine, like an open book. It seemed as though he had no secrets.

If that was true-- if Harry was being genuinely kind to me-- then why was I suddenly finding people who seemed fine with the way I looked? What sort of plan was being set in motion by whatever higher power there was? And, ultimately, would it end in tragedy?

I sighed to myself, thinking that the voice in my head sounded like a soliloquy written by Shakespeare.

I glanced over at the clock again, noting that only five minutes have passed. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to get any sleep tonight. I simply wasn't tired. In fact, I felt quite restless.

I kicked off the covers before sitting up in bed. I grabbed my writing journal and a pen, slowly and quietly opening up the door to my bedroom. I didn't bother to shut it behind me as I walked through the house, going over to the attic ladder. I closed my eyes and huffed out a breath once as the ladder creaked for one moment as it unraveled itself.

I climbed up to the attic and went out on the roof, sitting down where my mother used to sit, looking up at the stars-- so close, yet so far. It was magical to see them shining. Lustrous and brilliant.

I scribbled in my journal, the words that seemed to pour from my heart and bleed through my pen.

I looked into the sea of darkness that I deemed

the Night Sky

I looked into the sea of darkness

and it looked back at me

until our worlds met

mixed

it pouring itself out and into me

me consuming it as if I needed something to fill me up inside

reckless and irresponsible.

I looked into the sea of darkness that I deemed

the Night Sky

and I fell into its never-ending waves--

joining those who sank long before me.

Those who sank before me-- my mum. I watched her sink. I watched in confusion-- in some distant fascination-- and I could do nothing to help her.