Scars (Ziam)

Crushing Realizations

Chapter 20:

     I stopped outside of the writing club room, not sure if I wanted to step inside, but I wanted to do something to try and gain an aspect of control on my life; to make my family happy. And all I could think to do was actually attend writing club sessions.

   I was about to reach for the door handle when I heard the same loud voice from behind me, instant deja vu affecting me.

   "Liam!" Louis called, and I heard his footsteps quicken as he came over to me. I instinctively looked down at the ground. The only person I could look in the eyes without flinching or trying to avoid was Zayn. He made me feel safe and accepted. I wasn't there yet with everyone else-- not even my family. I still tried to hide my face from them because I knew it would always be a nasty reminder of that night and what we all lost.

   "Hey," Louis breathed out as he stopped beside me. "How have you been? Are you coming to the meeting today? Harry's been asking about you, in fact, the whole group has. You know, we're planning on meeting this weekend at Harry's house. It's something we try to do at least once a month- just meet up to hang out and plan for our poetry night. We were supposed to do it sooner this month, but my parents' schedule is hectic this month, so Harry had to find time to hold it at his house. His parents are very nice and welcoming. I've met them quite a few times-"

   Louis was rambling, talking a mile a minute as we stood in front of the writing club door. He was making grand gestures with his hands as he spoke, and I just allowed him to speak, not saying a word. I didn't even know if I could get one in edge-wise anyways.

   "-so I wasn't sure if you would even want to go. Wow, I'm talking a lot, aren't I?" He said, finally stopping to take a breath. I didn't think a person's lungs could go without breathing for that long. "Sorry. I just did a huge scene in my theatre class, and I guess I'm still pumped from it."

   Louis opened the door to the writing club, taking a step inside. I saw that most of the members were already here this time around, just talking amongst themselves and waiting for the meeting to begin.

   I stood outside of the room, still staring at the floor, unsure if I really wanted to be here. I wasn't ready to read anything in front of this group of people. I only really felt comfortable reading aloud with Zayn.

   I remembered how he didn't judge me or rush me when I read my poem aloud to him last night. He simply sat there and listened to every word I said. He also didn't pry or try to dissect me work. Instead, he just thanked me for trusting him and held me as I broke down in his arms.

  Zayn was so gentle with me, but he wasn't treating me like I was fragile. His words were always used to remind me that I was strong, not that I was breaking down. Both of the paintings he gave me were to inspire me and remind me that I could get through anything. He was this constant good in my life, but that terrified me because I was so prone to sucking away any goodness that came my way. I was the reason my family was so hurt after all-- because I was unable to move forward.

    I didn't want to lose Zayn or hurt him the way I seemed to hurt everyone around me.

   If he were the ocean, and I were the moon....

   "Liam," I heard a soft voice speak, and I knew it was Harry. I could feel eyes on me, me still just standing in the doorway, and it deterred me. I wanted to just turn and run away, but Harry was walking over to me. "It's wonderful to see you here again. Will you be joining us for the meeting today? We're finalizing the dates for our club get-together at my house. You're invited, of course."

   "But I... I only came to a couple of meetings," I reminded. I wasn't technically even a part of the club. It wasn't made official in any way. I didn't even sign a sheet for it or anything.