MEMORIES // B.E

𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑

jasrya
now

i groaned lowly as i heard a knock my apartment door. i pulled my blanket further over myself as i tried to ignore it.

the sheets barely smell like billie anymore.

the knocking continued.

why can't they go away? just leave me alone.

i let out a small huff. i slowly sat up. i held my head in my hands for a few moments before i stood up. i gradually walked to my door.

i look a mess right now, i don't even know when i last ate, and i just wanna stay in bed. i don't want to talk to anybody.

i opened the door. i rolled my eyes as i saw that it was west. "go away," i told him as i tried to shut the door back. my voice was hoarse, and it was barely above a whisper due to the fact that i haven't been talking and that i've cried more times than i can count.

"jas," he sighed as he easily pushed the door open. he stepped inside. "please, can we talk? i'm worried about you."

"i don't want to talk. go home."

"no, i'm not going home," he shook his head. he frowned as he took in my appearance. "you're not even taking care of yourself..."

i avoided his eyes as i crossed my arms over my chest. i could still feel his gaze on the side of my face for a few, silent moments.

"billie would want you to—"

"billie would want me to?" i cut him off as i turned to glare up at him. "billie is dead. don't sit here and talk like she's still alive. she's dead, and it's my fault, and..." i stopped as my voice began to waver.

his frown deepened. "it's not your fault, rya. don't blame yourself," he tried to bring me into a hug, but i pushed him away.

"she tried to call me, west," my voice cracked. "she tried to call me that night, several times, and i didn't answer. i-if i would've answered, she would—" i stopped as i broke down.

west tried to pull me into his arms again, but i kept pushing him back. "it's not your fault. you couldn't have known; you were sleeping," he tried to calm me down.

"it is my fault," i finally let him pull me into his arms, but i punched his chest as my head laid against it. "it's my fault. she needed me, and i didn't answer!"

he cupped the back of my head, and he pulled me closer. he just let me repeatedly punch his chest as i cried. when i finally stopped, i just stood there. tears were still streaming down my face as he rested his chin on the top of my head. he tried to assure me once again that i wasn't my fault.

it is my fault; if i would've answered, she would still be here.

🫂

a/n 👩‍🦯

thoughts so far?

any predictions?

words:
500