MEMORIES // B.E

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄

jasrya
now

"hi, bil," i murmured as i set the cherry blossoms i brought on top of her grave.

i pulled my legs to my chest as i stared at her grave. "it's been a year since... you know."

i rested my forehead on my knees for a moment. "i hope you're doing okay, baby. i miss you a lot. still. i'll never not miss you. i told you all the time that you meant everything to me, and you still do; you always will."

i pursed my lips. "i still— i think about that night a lot," i admitted quietly.

"i'm so sorry that i wasn't there for you. you needed me, and i let you down," i could already feel my eyes start to well up with tears. "i can't apologize enough."

i reached my hands up to press the heel of my palms into my eyes. "i love you, i'm sorry. fuck, i— i'm so sorry."

🫂

it's a while later. i'm back at my apartment. i'm sitting on my bed. shark is laying his head in my lap as i scratched behind his ears, and juno is cuddled up beside me.

sitting on my bed in front of me was billie's note. it was folded in half twice, just how she left it.

even though it's been a year, i still haven't been able to bring myself to read it.

i'm going to try to read it today though.

i took a few, deep breaths. i glanced down at my lap. sharky had fallen asleep, and he was snoring lightly. i glanced to my side; juno had also fallen asleep too.

i let out a sigh. i reached over, and i grabbed the note. i took a few more breaths before i opened it.

in several places, the ink was smudged, and there were small dots around the smudged ink from what i could only assume were tear drops.

fuck.

my eyes slowly scanned across the paper as i read it.

i'm so sorry. i tried to hold on longer, but i just couldn't. everything was so much.

i know i should've talked to you more about this, but i didn't want to worry you. you worry about me enough as it is. i didn't want to burden you with my problems either.

please don't blame yourself, baby. it's not your fault. you did everything you could, and i'm eternally grateful for that and for you. if it weren't for you, i would've left a long time ago.

thank you for our time together, even if it was short lived. you were everything i needed and more. you're the best thing to ever happen to me, and i could never thank you enough. thank you for showing me what true love is and how i'm supposed to be treated.

that being said... please don't "wait for me." you deserve so much more than that.

you deserve the deepest of all loves, and i'm so sorry i couldn't stay to give you that. you deserve more than me.

you'll be okay without me. i know you will.

while i'm gone, please make sure my parents and finny are okay. just make sure to check on them, please. drew and zoe too.

take care of sharky too please.

but most importantly, please, please, please take care of yourself. you'll be okay, you've just got to stay strong. if not for yourself, for me. please.

one last thing... i doubt you've noticed, but i've been leaving voice memos on your phone for when you miss me. i also made covers of your favorite songs and added it to an album in your photos.

hopefully we'll meet again in some other life. one where i'm happy and not so fucked up.

until then... i love you. so much. i love you always and forever, and until forever falls apart.

you are truly my angel sent from above. thank you for everything.

love,
your billie

by the time i finished reading the note, my body was shaking with sobs. my hands were shaking so much to the point of me dropping the note.

shark and juno had woke up; they were trying to snuggle close to me, as they always do when i cry.

when i had somewhat calmed down, i looked around for my phone. i eventually found it. i went to the voice memos app, which i honestly don't think i've ever used.

there were tons of voice memos recorded. i clicked on a random one.

"hi, baby," billie's voice came through the speakers of my phone. shark immediately perked up and looked around. "you're in the shower right now. you got all grumpy and cute because i wouldn't shower with you."

there was a small pause. "by the time you listen to this, i'm sure you'll know why i wouldn't shower with you. i'm sorry."

"i dunno... i just... i love you a lot, rya. i'll always love you, no matter what. please, please, please never forget that."

just the sound of her voice alone was enough to make me start sobbing again. i pulled my knees to my chest, and i hugged my legs tightly as i continued to listen to the other voice memos she left.

🫂

a/n i'm so sorry

you all signed up for this though !!!

you knew since the cast list and the prologue

anyways

um... thoughts?

one more chapter 🙁

any predictions?

words:
910