Fidelity

Prelude

Sobrang pangit

"Mine!" the loud voice thundered inside the volleyball court.

Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan habang pinapanood ang paglipad sa ere ng bola mula sa kalaban. Tila slow motion ang lahat. My eyes followed its direction like a shooting star.

"Tuazon! Receive!"

That's my surname. Hindi ko sigurado kung mula iyon sa coach o sa teammate ko. May bakas pa ng tensyon sa tono. I heard it loud and clear but I was too stunned to move.

My heart hammered inside my chest as I saw the ball approaching right towards my position. Sinubukan kong ihakbang ang paa ngunit bigo. My hands were just as heavy. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. It didn't feel like this during my piano lesson this morning. Nor in my swimming and ballet classes yesterday. Ngayon lang.

"Ah!" daing ko nang matumba sa malakas na pagtama ng bola sa mukha. It hit me. Straight right to my face. Napapikit ako.

"Solace!"

My mom was hysterical when she saw my nose bleeding. She looks out of place with her fancy outfit as she run towards me who's looking all-sweaty in the middle of the court. I received an earful from her.

I was only ten that time. That's when they decided that volleyball wasn't for me. 

"No more ball games for you! I'm looking for any opening in fencing but there's no guarantee. For the mean time, make sure to focus on swimming, Solasta!"

Required ang sports sa pamilya kaya't wala akong magawa kahit mahina talaga pagdating sa physical activities. It's not just in sports that we have to excel, actually. We're supposed to be inclined in classical music and academe too. Bukod don ay marami pang iba. In fact, we are expected to do well in everything we do.

"Enough of that," tampal ni Mommy sa kamay kong kukuha pa sana ng brownies.

Napangiwi ako.

Growing up from a noble family can be a real pain in the ass. But having a perfectionist of a mother makes it even more difficult.

Masyadong maraming patakaran ang kailangang sundin. May mga bagay na dapat at hindi dapat gawin.

Don't get me wrong. I do enjoy the perks of a high social rank. But the responsibility that comes with it? Good Lord. It tires the heck out of my ten-year old soul.

"You've been eating too much sweets. You can't gain weight, Solace. We're attending your father's business convention this Saturday. You won't fit in your dress if you get fat. Besides, I don't wanna come to the event with a pig beside me. You'd look even more horrible next to your sister,"

Having a perfect sister isn't helping either. Palagi na lang akong nakukumpara sa Ate. Siya ang magaling. Siya ang paborito. Siya na lahat!

Humalukipkip ako. Nahuli ni Mommy ang pag-irap ko ngunit wala naman siyang pakialam. Tinaasan niya lang ako ng kilay. Talagang tuwing nagmamaldita 'ko ay pinapaalala niya lang na mas maldita siya. I hate it!

"My God, Solace!" hagis ni Mommy sa letter ng teacher ko. Pinapatawag sila ni Daddy sa school. "Pang-ilang beses na 'to?! What did you do this time, huh? For pete's sake, when will you ever stop acting like a bitch?! Puro ka na lang pasaway!"

It must have been the lack of attention that made me rebel in my early years. Kulang na lang ay himatayin ang mga madre sa Catholic School na pinapasukan ko dahil sa mga pinaggagagawa ko. Lagi akong napapagalitan dahil ang gaslaw ko raw at hindi pino kumilos. They criticize even the way I sit or walk. Even the way I stand or move with my skirt on.