Fidelity

36th

Not Ready

My heart hurts a lot lately. Not because anyone's hurting me but because I love Davion so much it hurts. Just thinking about how important he is to me hurts so bad.

"Kumusta ang application mo?" Mom asked over breakfast.

"Fine. I just passed the second round," wika ko.

Aminado akong okupado ng ibang bagay ang isip ko nitong mga nakaraan. I haven't been able to give a lot of time to my art. I was distracted. Hindi ako makapag-focus.

But Davion had been so supportive in every step of the way. He has been my rock. That's why I wanna make it up to him for giving him the cold shoulders. Hindi niya deserve iyon lalo pa't wala naman siyang ginawang mali. Napangunahan lamang ako ng emosyon kaya't imbes na magpakatotoo ay umiwas. Gusto kong makabawi.

"Long time..." bati sakin ni Kuya Aysen pagbukas ng gate nila Davion. It looks like he was just about to go out. "Alam ba niya na darating ka ngayon?"

It's both a familiar and refreshing sight to see Kuya Aysen here. Bagama't pinsan ni Davion at dito namamalagi ay bihira ko siyang maabutan dito dahil abala ito sa pagmemedisina.

I shook my head with a smile. "Surprise,"

Naisipan ko kasing ipagluto ng breakfast si Davionpara makabawi kahit papano. Napagtanto kong hindi ako dapat magpalamon sa mga boses sa utak ko. If I let my mental battles get the best of me, I'd lose Davion before I even know it. I need to protect what we have. 

Kinantyawan pa ko ni Kuya Aysen bago siya umalis kaya't may bakas ng ngiti sa mukha ko hanggang pagpasok. Nabitin lamang sa ere ang kurba ng labi ko sa naabutang presensya sa sala nila Davion.

"Hey.." Adea was in her beige silk pajama habang nakatayo at hawak ang remote ng TV. She looks just as surprised to see me. "I didn't know you were coming.."

Hindi ko rin alam ang sasabihin. I'm impressed I even managed to open my mouth. "Yeah.. hindi rin alam ni Davion.. We didn't have plans. Ipagluluto ko lang sana siya,"

Tumango siya. "Tulog pa ata. Anong oras na rin natapos ang movie marathon kagabi. The gang eventually decided to sleepover since wala rin naman sila Tita,"

I did hear about the movie marathon. Sinabi iyon ni Davion habang magkatext kami kagabi. Inaya niya raw ang mga kaibigan dahil walang tao sa kanila. I didn't know they spent the night here, though. Maaga akong nakatulog dahil na rin sa plano ko ngayong umaga.

"Sila Einj?" I found myself asking.

"Umuwi na ata. Wala na kong kasama sa kwarto paggising. I think I'm the last one to get up among the girls." nilapag niya sa center table ang remote matapos pahinaan ang volume ng pinapatugtog niya sa TV. "Paalis na rin ako, though.. Hinihintay ko lang yung tinotoast ko,"

Just right on cue, we heard a ding go off from the kitchen. I think it was the toaster. Sabay na kaming nagtungo roon habang bitbit ko ang maliit na grocery basket.

"Do you need help with that?" she asked the same thing that Kuya Aysen also asked me earlier.

I shook my head and politely declined her offer. Magaan lang naman ang dala ko dahil pancake at bacon lang ang balak kong lutuin. It's not like I can do anything other than frying anyway. Well, if I'm completely being honest, ni hindi ko pa nga nasusubukang magprito ng kahit ano. I've only imagined myself doing it and it seems easy naman.

Nagsimula na kong magbasa ng instructions sa box ng pancake matapos isa-isang ilabas sa kitchen top ang laman ng basket na dala ko. Adea was just a few meters away from me as she take out her toasts. I'm feeling quite uneasy for some reason. Gusto ko mang sabihing hindi ko alam kung bakit ay malinaw naman na siguro ang dahilan.