Fidelity

37th

No apologies

"You had one job!" my Mom's voice thundered inside the house.

She just found out that I missed the third round of my Art Academy application and she's mad. No, she's furious.

"Paanong nawala sa isip mo ang schedule, Solace? Yan na nga lang ang pinagkakaabalhan mo! Kung magbubulakbol ka lang din naman, sana hindi ka na lang namin pinagbigyan sa gusto mo!"

Sana nga totoong nagbubulakbol na lang ako. I wish that's all there is.

My mind was all over the place lately. I wasn't in a good place. I couldn't even function properly. I am too preoccupied to do anything.

Ni hindi ko magawang ipagtanggol ang sarili ko kay Mommy dahil miski ako ay disappointed sa sarili ko. My lack of passion over anything these days is making me feel worse. I didn't even feel a thing when I realized I missed the third round.

It was an honest mistake on my part. But I felt nothing. I was numb. It's like I lost my purpose and even my will to get up each day. I don't know how I ended up like the is.

"No, we can't." may pinalidad na wika ni Davion nang ayain kong lumabas para magdate isang araw. "Kailangan mong magreview,"

My parents pulled some strings to get me a new schedule for the third round. It would be a written abstract test and Davion's been so serious in helping me prepare for it.

Mula sa paglabas-labas tuwing Sabado ay naging review sessions na ang weekends namin. Medyo namimiss ko na ngang makipagdate dahil panay ito na lang ang inaatupag namin. I don't know why he seems so into this but he even studied the basics by himself just to tutor me.

"Wait lang baby.. I'll figure this out... then I'll explain it to you," aniya habang kunot-noong nakatutok sa isang question matapos makitang hindi akma ang nasa answer key.

Nakapangalumbaba ako habang pinapanood siyang seryosong seryoso roon. Nangangati akong ipoint-out sa kanya kung bakit ganon ang sagot doon but he's just too engrossed with it that it feels like a sin to disrupt his focus.

His jaw is almost clenched while his eyes are hawk-like as he repeatedly scan the question. Sinundan ng mata ko ang mumunting galaw ng mapula niyang labi habang pabulong na binabasa ang tanong. I can almost feel the little movements his lips make against mine... my neck... my skin.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit biglang bumilis ang paghinga ko kahit wala naman akong ibang ginagawa bukod sa pagtitig sa kanya. Full blast ang aircon pero parang bigla rin akong pinagpawisan.

My cheeks flushed. I can't believe I'm feeling this way after what I said to him the last time. Kahit pa malinaw ang sinabi niya na ayos lang yon ay hindi ko mapigilang makaramdam ng guilt.

I heaved a sigh and reached for his cheek. Nagulat ata siya base sa pag-iwas niya roon.

"Sorry... Malapit na 'to.. I think—"

He still looks troubled about it kaya't hindi ko na napigilan.

"It's right, D. Yung pangalawa ang tamang sagot.." wika ko. The question is basically about which option best matches the relationship between the shapes in the given image.

"The arrow changes direction and the shape on the right has one more side than its counterpart on the left," tamad na paliwanag ko.

Enlightenment flashed in his eyes and he told me I was right. He looks so proud of me that he even kissed me on my temple.

I don't get what's the big deal. I honestly find all these reviewers easy.

"Can we take a break?" buntong-hininga ko. "Or maybe kiss and make-out instead?"