London's Guard Is Falling Down

𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄

[𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐒]

"𝐂𝐎𝐒𝐌𝐎 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐄 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐄𝐄𝐃 on the floor."

  "For real?"

  "Yeah. He's lucky I don't pop him," I said, bucking at my rude son who was lying in his small bed.

  I was on FaceTime with London, telling him about my day and everything.

  "How was school?" he asked.

  "It was okay. London, Shannon, and I tried to set Kristen up with a boy."

  "Oh really?"

  "Yup, uh-huh, we're like Cupid but better."

  "Paris, ever read Emma?"

  "Yeah, and I've seen Clueless, too."

  "Yeah, that's a more accurate comparison, not Cupid. Who'd you try setting her up with?"

"Just some people. . ."

  "Who?"

"Um, Jake Smith."

I heard London suck his teeth.

"Please, the fucking sellout?"

"That was Shannon's suggestion before she found that he's a coon."

"Did I ever tell you that he said 'slavery was a choice'? "

"He said that?!"

"Yes, I had a whole argument with him about it and he told me that I'm only attacking him because he's mixed. I don't give what fuck he's mixed with. Him being mixed doesn't make himself a sellout, it's the fuckery that comes out of his mouth that does."

I grunted. "That is a damn shame. Darling, me, personally, I wouldn't let him say that . . . But that's just me."

"Who else?"

  "Jackson Harris."

  "Distasteful."

"I went to a party last night and he tried to dance with me."

"Is that right?"

"Mm-Hmm. Personally . . ." I began and London rolled his eyes. "I think you should fight him for that."

"You like drama."

"Yeah . . . London!?"

"Why're you screaming?"

"What's your locker combination. I want to put a picture of me in there."

"Eleven-three-twenty-one, and I already have a picture of you in there."

  "Which one?"

  "Your picture day photo."

  "Oh my god, you love me so much," I gushed then quickly said, "We're gonna get married."

  I gasped once I remembered something. "London, guess what?"

  "What?"

  "One of Priscilla's troops bumped me in the hallway when I was walking, so I said, 'Excuse me.' She said 'is there a problem?' and I was like 'yeah, you just brushed past me without saying excuse me.' London, I'm telling you, I could smell her mustiness and her Victoria's Secret perfume mixed, that's how close she was. She says 'so what? so what? I don't need to say excuse me,' so I tell her that that's fine, she can be a rude bitch with no home training but from now, when she sees me walking — she better walk the other way. So then she says as she walks away, she says 'I'm gonna get you, I promise.' "

  "So which troop was this?"

  "The small, pale one . . ."

  "Be more specific, love."

  "She has the forced New York accent."

  "Oh, you're talking about the one who wears fake Jordan's?"

  "Yesss! I swear she is such a follower, her little, three-foot-nine self. I'm not even above average height but I bet I could stomp on her ass like a cockroach."

  London laughed, we laughed together.

"She is so annoying, she thinks she can fight just because she's from New York. Like, bitch, I'm from New York, too, what's up. London, she said Manhattan doesn't count."

"Does she not know that Manhattan is a borough?"

"I don't know, I'm starting to think she's not all there. Or what's that thing that you used to say? Something about a happy meal?"

"Oh, um, a couple of fries short of a happy meal."

"Yeah, maybe she's a couple of fries short of a happy meal. She better not come to my house, though," I said. 

  "I don't think she'd do that, she's one of those people who are all bark but no bite."

  "Yeah, but Priscilla's troops are real-life weirdos, though. They can find a way. It'd be messy if they did come here."

  "It would, honestly, because we live in an affluent neighborhood."

  "Exactly," I agreed. "That'd be so ratchet if they came. I hope she keeps her hood in the hood. I should teach Cosmo to be a guard dog something."

"The same dog that cries when he's alone? That Cosmo?"

"He can be tough when he wants to be. Right, Cosmo?"

My son turned his head to me since I said his name, and lied back down again, fighting his chew toy.