All Along | ✓

Chapter Thirty-Two

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"When they feel like home, and the safety you feel in their arms is unlike anything you've felt before, that's when you know."

- unknown

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Luna's POV

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I can't believe I just did that. I really just jumped onto my best friend's lap like a fúcking monkey. But then he's quite literally begging me not to let him go.

"-Just let me have this moment a little longer. Please. I need this."

Holy fúck. Hearing him beg shouldn't affect me this much. But it does. Hearing this man that's older than me, who I've always looked up to, beg for me... I'm about to pass out.

For this one moment, I let myself relax against him. I close my eyes, feeling his hands rub up and down my back to soothe me. I feel like I've travelled back fifteen years in time and I'm ten again, letting my best friend hold me and coax me to sleep after I worked myself up over some small inconvenience.

Except it's not small inconveniences that I cry over anymore. It's the thought of losing my best friend, the thought of never being enough for someone, these confusing feelings that I can't get rid of.

Oli's scent overwhelms as I lie on top of him in the driver's seat of his car. This is wrong. It shouldn't feel so right to do this with him. But there's no where else I'd rather be than here with him. I start to feel myself drift off to sleep, the complete comfort of being with him eventually completely taking over.

When I wake once more, it's to the sound of rain pelting against the roof of the car above us. I stir from my slumber, blinking my eyes awake to the realisation of what I've done.

What was I thinking? We can't do this. This is Oli we're talking about. Five years older. My best friend. Too good for me. I can't keep doing shít like this and thinking he'll suddenly fall in love with me. I know he loves me. But not in the way I so desperately want him to.

Oli stirs beneath me and I jolt into action. I quickly reach over and swing open the car door, scrambling off of him and outside into the pouring rain. The ice-cold sheets of water pelt against my skin and I'm immediately wide awake. I gasp at the sudden change of temperature, a stark contrast to laying against Oli's warm body.

"Luna!" Oli calls out to me and I turn to look at him. He's sitting up in his seat, eyes wide as he looks at me with confusion.

My chest heaves with heavy breathes as my mind races. What do I do? I can't do this. I can't just act like laying with him and cuddling with him doesn't make my heart race. It makes me want more and I can't have more. It's torture and I can't keep tricking myself into thinking this is fine. It's not. This is only going to hurt more in the end.

"What are you doing!? Get in the car, you'll freeze!" I hear him shout over the pouring rain, but I can barely hear him.

I take a few steps back, shaking my head. "I can't!"

Oli stares at me like I've lost my mind, but doesn't hesitate to step out of the car and follow after me, getting drenched in the process. He storms over to me until he's barely a foot away. "You can't stay out here, you'll catch a cold! What's wrong? Did something happen? Are you alright?"

He fires these concerned questions at me and it only makes the thoughts swirling my brain worsen. He care so deeply and I love that about him but it only makes this harder.