An Unexpected Engagement

Chapter 80

Steve

— Steveeeeeeeee...

The scream that comes from somewhere in the house is so loud and shrill that I'm sure some vein has burst in my brain and I'll probably be scarred forever.

I look up from my notebook, where I'm checking some crucial numbers from DBS's annual balance sheet, and pin it to the basement door, startled as if the voice calling me is some hellish being ready to eat my brains out and then drag me by foot to the hell.

My heart even slows, and my forehead swells with sweat, tight and sticky.

Please, please... Just one more hour...

“Steve, where are you? The scream repeats, now dangerously close, and an irritated growl comes from the back of my throat.

No, I cannot have been found.

Not there in my hiding place.

But my deepest fear comes to fruition when I hear the doorknob move. Without thinking, I drag myself on all fours through the dusty, dark basement, through the clutter of furniture, boxes, and knickknacks that have never been tidied up, holding my notebook precariously in one hand, until I manage to sneak behind a pile of boxes. A beam of light invades the basement.

— Steve? The voice is now a whisper, less menacing, but I know it could be a decoy.

I hold my breath, feeling like I'm in a bad horror movie, when I hear footsteps coming down the stairs.

I close my eyes saying a prayer, and I'm not even religious. “Please, God, don't find me here. I just want to have a peaceful night working in silence.”

“What the fuck are you doing?

I open my eyes to find my wife hovering above me, her hand on her hip and a confused, disbelieving expression clouding her face.

For a moment I want to grab my laptop and run upstairs. Get in the car and drive without looking back. Or I could pretend I've developed some sort of second personality and now my name is Edward and I have no idea who he is. Or maybe start crying like a child caught in the act after hiding where it shouldn't.

— Steve? – she repeats now annoyed. "Didn't you hear me call you?" Are you deaf?

Yes, deafness is a good thing too. Maybe I should start making sign languages ​​or invent one.

'What are you doing hiding here?' - She continues. "I've been looking for you for half an hour!" I already thought I had been abducted by ETs! She looks around. “This basement is a mess! Look at these boxes! They should have been fixed a year ago! And we talked about the renovation, remember? Why haven't we done it yet? It would be amazing to make a guest house! Oh mom and dad would love it, I might even let my mom make an altar to the goddess here.” I laugh, starting to rummage in a box above my head. — Look, Steve, Penelope's first stroller... Oh how beautiful! This reminds me that we need to buy a bigger cart. She's getting pretty heavy. Is it normal? What if she is developing childhood obesity? And if she's one of those kids she's going to get really chubby and get bullied on the playground, and then when she's a teenager she might be like Princess Diana, with an eating disorder. This is very serious, Steve! Did you see the episode of The Crown? Poor thing... Also with that fake prince and that Camila. Where have you seen yourself have a wife and mistress? Steve, if you do this to me I'll cut off your penis, you know, right? And I don't even mind going to jail! Maybe they'll even do a series with me... Hey, can you hear me? She kicks me in the shin and I realize I have my head between my knees trying not to hear the machine gun of nonsense coming out of Natasha's mouth. — Steve! Stop ignoring me! She insists in a plaintive voice. And suddenly she's kneeling beside me, holding my head and staring at me in panic. “My God, are you okay? Is sick? Are you really deaf? I was kidding, but maybe water got in her ear when we had sex in the bathtub yesterday, oh my God, I left my husband deaf...