The Bucketlist

32 | SHIVERS

I felt shivers going down my spine when he walked closer. Our bodies were barely separated by a few centimeters when he stopped for a while. His eyes turned livid with a wild shade of grey, a demeanor of his that I had not known earlier. His hair was wet, a light muzzle spread against his jawline, and I couldn't help but notice the scar on his right eyebrow. My lips parted, almost as if to ask a question I never knew I had.

"I don't feel wet," I said, finding the courage to mouth the words.

A jittery sense of uneasiness spread across my being. Why did I feel so jumpy all of a sudden? My inner self felt caged in the dilemma of whether; or not to get a few steps back, but what my eyes could see from this close was something I would never run away from, not now at least.

"You sure?" His voice deepened. His fingers slid across my back, holding me close to him as I lost my balance. Is he out of his mind?

"Watch what you are doing!" I said, laying still against him as he kept me pressed between the desk and him. On a wall, the other a piece of furniture, what a place to die!

"I know perfectly well what I am doing." He said calmly.

"You do?" I looked at him quizzically.

He leaned down and buried his face in my hair. His hands slid down my thighs, and he lifted me to the desk.

His pants bulged near his zipper, and I gulped a lump as I looked into his eyes. Danger. Run. Run. Run. 

Wait. Don't run.

He pulled me into a hug, holding me tight against his front. Something inside me stirred. Will Turner was emotional? But why? I mean, how?

"You ever felt you'd lose everything, and then it comes back running at you, Mellon?" Will asked, his voice an almost whisper.

"Only once, "I said.

"Keep talking, Mellon," Will whispered huskily.

"When Bruno got lost in the park, I couldn't find him." I found myself obliging. Strange.

" I th-thought he was g-gone forever. I di-didn't eat the whole night. The other day, we found him sleeping soundly on the por-" I was fumbling, and then I felt his lips pressed against mine.

Someone's high on peppermints!- that was the first thought. The second was- I want peppermints, bonus if they felt so good on my tongue.

His slow pecks became wildly paced, and I could barely catch my breath when I found my tongue in his mouth. His fingers slid across my panties, and before I could know what was happening, he slipped it off my thighs, holding the fabric so delicately as if it were porcelain.

I could feel my whole body ache and tremble for him. I couldn't dare myself to think of another thought. I could only think of him. Wow. When did Will Turner become so important to me? Why did I care if he was sobbing or not? I shouldn't care about him, but I do.

"I can't take more," I said, catching my breath as my heart pounded in my chest. No, this wasn't supposed to happen. If I allow Will to go any further than this, I might hurt myself more than ever. I may be crazy for saying no to him, but my pride shall shatter into a thousand pieces if I let him be. Josh. What will I tell him? If I oblige, the bitches in the restroom would be overjoyed. No, no. We need to stop.

"I can't do this," I said frantically, and his face dropped down; as he backed.

"Oh..." He said, looking hurt.

"I am dating Josh. I can't do this. We will both regret this later." I said apologetically, barely hiding the tears in the corners of my eye. I expected him to go bonkers, but instead, he remained silent. He stood abruptly without questioning me.

I knew he was hurt. I didn't mean to hurt him. For the first time in my life, I prayed I didn't hurt him.

He moved to the other end of the room. Standing by the windows as the fading streetlights highlighted his toned front. Will Turner was ripped, both metaphorically and literally. And sad. The happy hour was gone. A cold expression masked his face. I could never forgive myself for this.

~

I remained frozen on the couch, not knowing what to do. I heard Will making a call after he stormed out of the room with his pants. A few moments later, I found Will dressed in a crisp shirt as he entered.

He knelt, wiping me clean with the other shirt he carried. His face was expressionless as he sensitively dabbed my vulva dry. He didn't have to. But I neither had the shamelessness to admit it, nor the guts to stop him.

"Roms is on her way to pick you up. She will bring you clothes too."

He said and left.

I slid on my panties. Hugging my knees as I curled up on the couch, crying, waiting for my heart to get ripped out of my body.

What have I done?

***

The door opened, and I found tears welled up in my eyes. Breaking free from their cages as I buried myself in Roms and cried for a while.

"What happened? Is that Will's shirt?" Roms asked.

"Nothing...Let's go home, please."

"You need to change first."

"No, just take me home."

I didn't want to change. I want to keep the shirt as a souvenir that this night happened before I could feel it all fade away because of my damn indecisiveness. I wished for hell to crack open and take me in. I ruined everything.