Second Time Around

27. Guilt and Healing, Part I

Lan WangJi knew he was the worst human on the planet. The worst cultivator in the history of cultivation. The worst lover in the whole human existence.

Under his watch, his love was nearly killed. His love's sister was nearly killed.

It was unacceptable.

He was a complete failure.

Jiang YanLi refused to accept his self recrimination. "HanGuang-Jun... we were in the safety of my home surrounded by those who are supposed to protect me. How could you have known that my husband's disciples would try to harm me? You are allowed to not be on guard at all times. You should be allowed to feel safe in my home. It wasn't your fault."

Wei Ying, of course, would not allow him to shoulder any blame. "It's my fault I was injured, Lan Zhan. I'm the one who knew they were trying to kill me. I should have known there were backup plans and kept my guard up against them." The younger man was lying paralyzed by Wen Qing's needles and had spent the last hour grousing about not being allowed up because of a little stab wound. Wen Qing growled that it wasn't a little stab wound; with any other doctor, he would have bled out before they figured out how to stitch him up.

Only Jiang WanYin understood because he made the same exact mistake. Which was why the two of them were arguing with each other over punishments. "Fifty strikes for each person," Lan WangJi insisted. "I failed to protect your sister, brother and nephew. One hundred fifty strokes."

"You saved Jin Ling, so that's only one hundred," Jiang WanYin insisted. "I'll agree to fifty for each. Nie MingJue, your brother, my brother-in-law. One hundred fifty for me."

"You aren't responsible for protecting Nie MingJue or my brother. That's fifty for you. How exactly would you have stopped XiongZhang from stepping in front of Jin ZiXuan anyway?"

"I don't know. But I should have known, shouldn't I? I didn't even really believe Wei WuXian when he told me about his vision. I figured I'd humor him, and it would give him some measure of acceptance to come back home.

"I fucked up, Lan Wangji. In that other time. In this time. I think you've held back and not told me how much I fucked up that other time. I should probably get one hundred extra strokes just for that."

One hundred strikes with the bastinado did not feel sufficient. The added pain from not being able to accelerate his healing in the Cold Springs helped. So did being scolded by Wen Qing for being an idiot.

"What are you going to do if those Jin bastards attack here? How are you going to protect your brother or Wei WuXian when you can barely walk? Idiots! Both of you!" Wen Qing glared even harder. "Lan. Wang. Ji," she enunciated each syllable. "I have another issue to speak to you about."

"Mmm?"

"Don't you 'mmm' me," she spat. "I saw what you did. It was you who did it, right?" Lan WangJi could feel his ears pinking up. "His chest is covered in hickeys and bite marks! What were you thinking? 'Oh, we might die tomorrow, so I guess I'll fuck him half to death before we go?'"

"I... we... I don't even know what a hickey is. And we didn't... do that."

Wen Qing gave him a dark side-eye look. "Were you the one who covered him in bruises?"

The pink ears were now bright red. He could feel the coloring creeping down his neck and onto his cheeks. "Yes."

"Thought so. That's a hickey. What are your intentions towards my didi?"

"I will stay by his side for as long as he'll allow me."

Wen Qing scoffed. "As if that idiot knows how to ask anyone to leave? Except when he plans on offing himself, that is. I swear, though, he spends half his life waiting for people to leave him. Like we can't ever love him back as much as he loves us. As if he thinks he's not allowed to be loved as much as he loves us.