A place in this world - peace series spin off - ellianas story

the talk and the date

**monday September 12th – 2039**

-ellies pov-

"Please, I need to talk to you" Alex says, and I turn to face him absolutely terrified. "I... I" I stutter as I don't know what to say.

We just stand there looking at one another, and I'm on the verge of tears. He lays a hand on my small back and lead me to a place where there aren't many people so we can talk. It's cold outside but we sit down on a bench where I make sure to put my bag between us.

"I fucked up" he starts, and I look at him surprised. "You need to be more specific" I snap at him; I don't even know why I'm snapping but I'm just mad.

"I shouldn't have broken up with you. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made but I didn't have the balls to call you up again. You made yourself pretty clear that if I walked away, you wanted nothing to do with me. But when I saw you here, God I couldn't stop thinking about you. My life is pretty colorless without you" he says, and I'm surprised at his choice of words.

Why didn't he just turn around his car and come back to me, I waited there hopeful for a couple of hours, but he never even came back to check on me. It makes me nervous knowing that he can't stop thinking about me either, but I don't know what that means or if it means anything at all.

"I know I hurt you, I know I broke your trust and I know you have every reason in the world to hate me. But I don't hate you, I can't hate you. I would say the L word, but I know that's not fair on you so I'm not going to. But what I want is for you to give me a second chance please" he says, and I can't stop the tears from coming and my breath hitches in my throat. He still loves me too?

"I don't trust you anymore" I say and wipe away my tears. "You broke me. I could hardly get out of bed for weeks. I was so fucking broken Alex" I'm really mad at him for what he did. How could I ever trust him again? But I still love him, I love him so much it hurts. "i know you don't trust me, but please let me prove myself to you. Let me earn your trust back"

I look away to think. My life is pretty dull without him too, but I don't know if it's a good idea to let him back in when he hurt me that bad.

"I can't promise you anything Alex. But let's try to be friends. That's all I can offer right now. I don't hate you; I could never do that. But I'm trying to stay afloat Alex. I can't let you in that type of way right now, and I don't know when or if" I tell him honestly. I don't want to lose him.

"Does that mean you're going to stop kissing that guy? I broke up the situationship I had with Addison this weekend. I couldn't be with her like that when I feel what I feel about you" he mumbles, and I chuckle "you don't have a say in that. I can't get too invested in what we have because I don't know what it will lead to. Not that I owe you an explanation, but victor asked me out, asked if he can keep kissing me and I said yes. It's not a relationship, its open and light, but it's something. You don't have a say in that" I tell him, and I can see I hurt his feelings.

I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I can't let myself back into Alex's arms because I can't trust him, and I don't know if it would last this time. Maybe someday I will trust him again, but trust takes time. He hurt me in a way I never through he would, and I took a long time to recover from that.

It got to a point where I dissected everything about myself thinking that I did something wrong, that I was the problem. It felt like anything going wrong was my fault. It messed with my head, and I still haven't recovered from that.

"I guess that's fair. It just hurts a lot to look. Him touching you, your lips meeting. Thinking about what you might do when you're alone. The things we used to do" he says and his voice cracks. I want to cave and sink into his arms. "How do you think I've felt seeing you with Addison? I knew you had been into things with other girls, people have told me, but seeing it sucks Alex. I haven't been around boys since we broke up, but you moved on and have been in situations with other girls" I say and look away as my anger returns to my voice.