A place in this world - peace series spin off - ellianas story

going home

**friday October 14th – 2039**

TRIGGER WARNING EATING DISORDER – BUT NOT AS TRIGGERING AS THE LAST ONE

-ellies pov-

They discharged me this morning and now we are going to the therapist's office to get the plan moving forward. My parents and I have already agreed to let me try outpatient, but we will see what the therapist says.

"Elliana Alwyn?" my therapist says and come out of her office. My parents wait in the waiting room while I head in with her. After all, I'm an adult now so I need to take ownership of my own life and not have my parent's control everything.

I sit down on the couch and tuck my legs up and warp my arms around them. "so I hear you have been in the hospital? I've talked with the doctor on the ward, and I've talked with your parents on the phone. But I would like you to tell me what has been going on" my psychologist Mrs. Vendela hammer says.

"It started a few months ago I guess, I did what I always did, and it went out of control according to everyone around me. Then I collapsed and ended up in the hospital" I say and shrug. She asks me what I have been eating so I tell her that and she asks about the diet pills. "I figured that it could help me get rid of the hunger" it did actually help but clearly, I took too much of it because my body gave in.

"What you have been eating is way too little for a girl your age, and your weight is dangerously low. We will need to work together to get you better, but I need you to understand what is expected of you if you chose outpatient and not the other options" she says, and I nod waiting for her to go on. "There is a weight requirement, between 1-1,5 kg pr week. Weekly blood tests for the next few weeks to make sure that your body is holding up. Therapy three times a week where two of them are with me and one with the dietician. We are doing it so your appointments are after school"

They know how important school is for me and for my mental health so thankfully they are working with me on that one. She says if my blood tests seem good for the next few weeks, I can take less frequent blood tests. They will also check my blood pressure once a week when they take my weight.

"it's intensive but it's necessary when your case is this severe. As you know there are other options as well, inpatient here at the clinic, residential treatment and day patient programs" she says and go into those options in more detail. But I know that for me the best option is outpatient because that way I can hold onto my normal life better and not be stuck in a hospital or residential with other young adults with my issues. Being around people without eating disorders is better for me, I know that.

Normally we would have gone over my history with mental illness and trauma from my past, but because I've already been involved with this clinic in January and all through spring, they know me. They know I have complex PTSD, Anorexia, depression, Anxiety and dissociative episodes. "Once we get your weight up and you have stabilized, we are going to work together on the underlying issues that make you keep relapsing. We know that it's a symptom of that even if that's hard for you to admit" she says, and I know she is right.

For me, my eating disorder has been a way to cope with everything I've gone through in my life. I was kidnapped when I was six and kept in a basement for a week where I was constantly threatened with being killed and I was abused physically. Not to mention the horrible things he did to my mom in that other room down there. Then I had my eating disorder when I was 12 years old and that turned into depression and self-harm. All through all of this I've suffered from flashbacks and dissociative episodes because of the kidnapping. And then when I was 15, I was first in a car accident where my kidnapper had hired someone to try to kill us, and then I was shoot in a school shooting. It's fair to share I have had a lot of trauma through my life.