A place in this world - peace series spin off - ellianas story

christmas eve

**saturday december 24th – 2039** 9 weeks pregnant **

-ellies pov- 

I lay curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor after a round of vomiting. What a way to start out my Christmas eve. Alex is trying to calm me down, but I just can't stop the floodgate of tears and panic starting to rise in my chest. 

"Elliana I need you to take deep breaths. You're okay" he says and rub my back. Morning sickness is a fucking nightmare, it hurts so bad. 

"no I'm not okay" I scream at him "my whole body hurts and now I have to get up and get dressed. But clothes aren't really fitting me anymore, my jeans that fit perfectly a few weeks ago are now too small because this stupid belly is growing. And not just that I'm gaining weight because of all the food too. I'm miserable and fat" I continue to scream at him. 

My jeans aren't buttoning up anymore, not even the jeans I got a few weeks ago that was a size too big to have something to grow into. They fit over my thighs but then it gets to my belly and there is no way to close it. So clearly I'm getting fat and the pregnancy will start to show soon. 

"Not to mention that my belly also hurts because I'm so fucking constipated. So I'm puking every morning, but I can't get stuff out the other way and I have to take the stupid stool softener, but it still hurts. And now I'm crying about bathroom problems to my boyfriend which is going to make him get turned off from me. I'm disgusting" I cry. 

Alex picks me up from the bathroom floor before setting me down on the bathroom counter and wrapping me tightly in his arms. "Baby I don't mind hearing about your symptoms. You're pregnant and its normal. Nothing like that could turn me off from you. I wish there was something I could do to help you feel better. But let's go to the store after they open again and get you some looser fitting clothes then" he says and kiss me softly. 

I don't understand why he is so good to me, I'm disgusting. And now I'm getting so fat that I can't even fit into my clothes. How he hasn't left me yet is just a mystery at this point, there is nothing attractive about me anymore. I'm just a fat pregnant lady that pees every ten minutes, can't poop and throws up. Not to mention have achy boobs, a vagina that leaks gross stuff and countless other problems. Pregnancy sucks. 

"Want me to get you some saltines? And your prenatal and other things. And I can get you an icepack for your boobs, I know you like that" he says, and I giggle. He does anything he can to make me comfortable which in turn just makes me more emotional than I already was. 

He goes to do that, and I think about today. We were going to spend a last holiday apart with our respective families, but our parents had other plans. They decided together that they wanted us to be together for the holidays, so therefore his family is coming over to my family's house and staying in the guestrooms for the night. His brother and sister are coming too with her fiancé jack.

Betty left yesterday to go to new York to spend the holidays with her family and extended family from Canada that's coming to new york for Christmas. She will be back after new year's in time for school. 

When Alex comes back, he has a bowl of crackers, a glass of water, my pills and cold packs that are specially designed for your boobs. They have really been helping with the pain from my boobs that are growing. I'm not flat chested anymore. They are growing because I'm gaining weight, but it's also because I'm getting ready to feed a baby. 

He helps me take off my shirt and place the icepacks on my boobs that are really sore. "do you remember when your sister walked in on us after the accident, and I was kissing and squeezing your boobs for physical therapy" he says, and I laugh. "I do. And then the blabbermouth spilled it to everyone at family dinner" I groan and start to slowly eat the crackers.