Misc.

the hunchback of notre dame 4

"hey, thanks for picking me up, i forgot the busses dont run on sundays, how stupid is that?"

"stupid. get in the car." clopin said begrudgingly, talking to phoebus through his open car window, gesturing to the passenger seat with his head. 

the petty bar owner did his best to hit every pothole he could on the way to the place that was not esmerelda's house, but the grocery store.

"why are we here?" phoebus frowned, glancing at the sliding doors.

"esmerelda needed a couple things. i told her i would pick them up." clopin said, getting out of the car.

"why didn't you do that before you picked me up?"

clopin sighed and pinched his brow, looking down through the open door.

"i can drive you home if you want, do you want that? or you could walk to esmerelda's apartment. it's only five miles away."

"fine, but im going in with you. i can buy her flowers."

clopin scratched the back of his head, looking the other way and muttering obscenities under his breath. 

for some reason, the sunday afternoon was as busy as a friday evening, and clopin took his sweet, sweet time strolling through the isles going every which way like a child lost in a corn maze, only clopin knew exactly where the exit was, he just wasn't going to go there. 

phoebus diligently followed the other man around, a bouquet of wild flowers cradled in his arms, a wave of silence falling over him. 

"clopin, i'm gonna go pay and go back to the car, it's getting stuffy." he tried telling him.

"what? no, no, i'm almost done, promise, besides, the car's locked."

phoebus let it go, trying again fifteen minutes later. he could hear everything, the beeping of the cash registers, the intercom, the radio, the carts crashing into one another, his heart in his chest, the ringing in his ears. god his hands were getting so sweaty, where they even his hands? he felt distant, like he'd left his brain in another isle.

"clopin, i'm going. i'll wait by the car, i don't care if it's locked." he mumbled, pushing past the shorter guy, only to feel a tugging on his sleeve. he flinched, finding clopin staring up at him, his face pulled into a frown, staring at phoebus like he was some sort of alien.

"are you good?"

"i'm fine. i'll see you at the car." he said, hurrying to the check out. 

god it was so loud, and the crinkle of the floral plastic felt like it was in his ear, near his thoughts, he didn't even realize his hands had gone from sweating to shaking, and everything felt like it was far away, he kept blinking, staring at the cash, and all of his responses felt delayed.

"do you want this wrapped?" the cashier asked him, and phoebus stared at them before processing what they'd said.

"no, that's okay, thank you so much." he got out, grabbing his flowers and leaving the store, gasping in the fresh air when he got outside. 

his ears rang and he set the flowers on the roof of clopin's blue hatchback, rubbing his hands on his jeans, getting his thoughts back together, trying to ground himself back into reality. 

a few minutes later, he heard the bleep of clopin's car unlock and its owner walking back towards him with bags in tow. 

phoebus had opened the passenger car seat when a motorcycle started up, and abruptly tore out of the parking lot loudly shooting by, it's engine gunning onto the road, and phoebus felt his world fall away. he covered his ears, flinching hard and looking away. his legs felt like jelly and he began hyperventilating, leaning on the pillar of the car door, his eyes shut tight and his mouth in a thin line, breathing in through his nose. he could almost smell gunpowder and smoke, hear the gunfire endlessly in the background like a constant drone, never ending. his hands were covering his ears but his fingertips remembered the feeling of blood flowing over them. in his mind, he saw frederic, poor, young frederic rasping for air, dying in phoebus' arms, asking him to tell his parents he loved them. he remembered the cold metal of a gun to his temple, and he remembered the stench of bodies piling up in holes, and in his heart he was sure it was all his fault. 

"phoebus!" someone called his name, and he opened his eyes to see clopin crouched at his knees with his hand reaching up and taking phoebus' away from his ears. he was sitting in the car, though he didn't remember sitting down. "hey can you hear me?" 

"is everything alright? i'm a nurse."

"i'm trained in mental health."

people in the parking lot began clamoring around the car, and it only made phoebus' breath speed up. clopin got up.

"no, it's fine, just go away,"

"are you sure, i-"

"yes, lady! screw off! give him some goddamn space." he snapped at her, glaring. offended, people began to indeed, screw off. clopin returned to the panicked man sitting in the passenger seat, now looking at his hands like he'd done something horrible with them. clopin took them and squeezed gently, running his thumb along the side of phoebus' hands. 

"hey, look at me. phoebus, can you hear me? just nod yes or no." clopin told him.

the soldier nodded and tried focusing on clopin's hands in his.

"yes, okay, you need to breathe. phoebus breathe, and listen. you're here, with me, in the parking lot at the grocery store." he explained and phoebus focused on the rise and fall of his chest, sucking in breaths, shutting his eyes again.

"no, no, open your eyes, look at me, don't look anywhere else, just look at me." clopin redirected his attention.

"focus on me, phoebus." he said slowly. 

gradually, everything fell back to normal. phoebus' head spun, but he was breathing again and the terror and guilt of his past drifted into the background once more. he rubbed his face, and chewed on his lip, swallowing sobs that were taking their place in line. 

"are you okay?"

"yeah..." phoebus nodded, exhaling shakily.

clopin got up again and walked around to the drivers seat, sitting down and starting the car, driving out of the parking lot, and away from prying eyes. 

he parked again in the parking garage below esmerelda's apartment complex and they sat in the dark and silence for a bit.

"did you wanna talk about it?" he asked quietly.

"no." phoebus shook his head, shuddering at the thought of returning to those memories. tears still threatened his eyes.

"what happened? at the store?"

"it's not a big deal." he tried brushing aside. "we should just go in." 

he felt the same tug on his sleeve as he tried to get up out of the car.

"it is a big deal, and i need to make sure you're okay."

phoebus sat back down.

"i'm uh, i was a soldier for four years at the front line. i don't want to talk about it, but i'll tell you this- i never-" he said, his voice full of disdain, pointing at clopin, his chin trembling and his eyes big with tears. "want to go back." he finished before blinking, silent tears dripping down his cheeks. 

clopin was quiet. 

"i'm sorry for being a prick. thank your service." he said quietly.

"no..." phoebus shook his head, "don't thank me, you don't know what you're thanking me for, just don't." he said bitterly, wiping a few more tears off his face before grabbing his flowers and stepping out of the car. "thanks for the drive."

he took the stairs up to esmerelda's apartment, all sixteen flights, too wary of cramped spaces, and he fell into her arms sobbing. at least she knew why he was upset. at least she would lay on the couch with him and gently scratch his hair, and remind him it wasn't his fault. at least she listened and told him he was here, and not there, and that he was surrounded by people who loved him and cared for him. and at least she would kiss him on the forehead and let him lay his head on her lap while he drifted to sleep, finally getting some rest after days and days of sleepless nights.

at least esmerelda was safe.