Best Funeral Ever

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You stood in between Klaus and Vanya as a sharp wind blew your hair aside. Grace walked out of the house to join you, her eyes wandering.

"Did something happen?" she asked sweetly, smiling at nothing in particular.

"Dad died. Remember?"

"Oh, yes, of course," she said slowly, her smile fading as she looked at the ground.

"Come closer, lil sis," Klaus said, tugging you under his tiny, pink-rimmed umbrella. "Don't want you getting sick right after you woke up, do we?"

"You can stop calling me that, you know," you said, linking your arm with his. "I'm the same age as you."

You tuned back into the conversation.

"Whenever you're ready, dear boy," Pogo said solemnly, and you watched as Luther walked forward with the urn. The ashes fell limply to the ground, already dampening in the rain.

"Probably would have been better with some wind," Luther said awkwardly, shuffling back into place. Klaus snickered, elbowing you.

"I knocked like, half of daddy's ashes over a while ago," he mumbled, and you giggled before slapping a hand over your mouth.

First of all, it shouldn't be funny, and second of all, you sound like a little girl, you scolded yourself.

"Stop calling him that," you whispered, unable to hide your smile. "He probably wouldn't appreciate it."

"Exaaaactly."

You grinned and turned to him.

"I missed you, you know. Like, the real you, not the one in my head."

He smiled, pulling you into a hug.

"Missed you too, lil sis."

You realized Pogo was making a speech, and quickly faced him again.

"He was my master and my friend, and I shall miss him very much. He leaves behind a complicated legacy-"

"He was a monster," Diego interrupted.

"Can you shut up for, I don't know, two seconds?" you spit as Klaus laughed. Diego turned to you, raising his eyebrows.

"He was a bad person and a worse father," he said, his voice lowering. "The world is better off without him."

"Maybe," you conceded. "But he still was our father. And even if he was a pretty dang crappy one, that doesn't mean to get to talk shit about him at his funeral. Look, if you walked inside after and held a party because of his death, I wouldn't mind. But the old man just died, and all you can do is berate him? The only reason you're doing it now is because you were too scared to do it while he was alive." You took a step forward, glaring at him. "You were always scared of him."

Diego's fists clenched, and Klaus pulled you back to his side.

"Easy, tiger," he whispered. "I know you two don't exactly get along, but he could crush you, kiddo."

"I'm not a kid," you snapped back as Diego spoke again.

"My name is Number Two. You know why? Because our father couldn't be bothered to give us actual names. He had Mom do it." He glared at you. "You were a kid when Allison made you fall asleep. You still think of him as your father. The rest of us? We've moved on. So yeah, I was scared of him. We all were. Isn't that why you tried to run away with your little boyfriend, Eight?"

Five, who was on the other side of Klaus, scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"You should stop talking now," Luther said menacingly as your face flamed.

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