𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍 //𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝑲𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝑭𝑭//

~𝟲~

"Hey, how'd you sleep?" Hyunjin asked as I passed him in the hallway. My stomach dropped when I heard him stop, the conversation to follow obviously more pressing to him than what he intended to do a moment before.

"I slept okay," I said, keeping the pace I had before he spoke. If I didn't get away, I might have cracked or broken down or...

"Hey, wait up." He took my wrist and turned me around, making me look up at him. His dark eyes masked deep concern, and yet his features were cheerful.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, his hand moving from my wrist to my hand. I pulled away.

"If you are here to talk about what you heard yesterday, I don't want to talk about it."

He took in a breath, the slight smile falling from his face. I turned around and kept walking, hearing him follow after me. It freaked me out, making me feel cornered. I rushed down the stairs, just needing to get away. He called after me, making me look back. My feet kept going and I tripped. He reached to grab me, but I landed against something else. I looked up and found Felix looking down at me, his eyes wide. I pulled myself out of his arms and kept going, darkness clouding my mind. I ran to the training area. Just as I was about to get to the door, it opened, making way for Chan and Jeongin to come out. I stopped in my tracks. I turned around, trying to push down the fear. Felix and Hyunjin came from the other direction, boxing me in.

"Please just leave me alone!" I yelled, pushing past them.

To my surprise, they didn't stop me. I ran back up to my room, hunger from previous completely forgotten. I slammed the door shut, breathing hard. I rested my head on the door trying to clear my mind. I turned and pressed my back against the door, my legs giving way from underneath me. Tears streamed over my cheeks, dripping onto the carpeted floor beneath me.

Just breath. He won't find you. You're safe, I repeated over and over in my head, trying my best to keep the memories at bay. The screams and whimpers blaring in my mind, so loud I could've sworn I was hearing them swirling around in my room. My screams and whimpers. I laid down onto my side, clutching my knees to my chest. The tears making the carpet underneath me wet. I heard a knock on my door. Heard Chan's voice call out to me. Heard my heart pounding in my ears.

"Please can I come in?" he asked, barely audible over my crying.

"Go away. I can't talk about this," I sobbed. I could almost picture him standing in front of the door, contemplating whether he should open the door or just leave it.

"At least... At least come eat something. You can't start the day without food in your body."

When he heard no answer except my persistent crying, he must have decided to just leave me. I heard his gentle footsteps leave. That small act made me feel even more alone and hopeless. I wouldn't have spoken to him even if he stayed, but it would've been nice to at least have someone stay with me.

"That's what you get for being the way you are," I said to myself through sobs.

...

The rest of the day, I didn't leave my room. The boys seemed to know that I wanted to be left alone, not once knocking on my door. The only presence known to me was Chan, checking in every hour and telling me I had to eat something, to which I just stayed silent. I just kept staring out my window.