𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍 //𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝑲𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝑭𝑭//

~𝟴𝟭~

(First person, Ava's perspective)

For the first time since the incident, I thought of something other than Damian and what he did to me. Seeing Lee Know again brought up a lot of emotions I hadn't felt in a while, one of which being rejection. Him staying away from me hurt and confused me, seeing as we had spent so much time together before the incident. 

But what confused me even more was the fact that when I asked about it, he lied to me. I knew he would never lie to me unless he thought it would hurt me or upset me to tell the truth, but I couldn't think of a reason for him staying away that would be bad for me. Us being together had been the thing that held me together in so many hard times before.

So after the boys finished lunch and I heard them all moving around, I ventured out of Lee Know and Chan's room for the first time since I had started sleeping there. If I was being honest with myself, sleeping in Lee Know's bed did sooth me a little. Having his scent around me constantly made me calmer, especially after I had nightmares. 

I was so tempted to just snatch one of his shirts or hoodies out of his drawers and wear it all the time, just to at least feel like he was there when he wasn't. But I hadn't done it because I felt too bad, and I wanted to ask first.

I peeked around the door into the hallway. By some lucky strike of fate, Lee Know had just come up the stairs. We made eye contact, and I saw him hesitate. He stopped completely, and I could just barely make out a hint of discomfort in his movements. It hurt to know that where my presence had always seemed to calm him suddenly it made him uncomfortable. I tried to think of something else to distract myself. 

I noticed that he had gotten a lot more muscular and guessed that was what he did when he was avoiding me. His steps were slow and seemed unsure as he walked towards me. I opened the door fully and looked up at him. He seemed like he wanted to say something but stayed silent. So I spoke, trying to break the uncomfortable silence between us.

"Can you help me move back into my room?" I asked softly. He furrowed his brows.

"Why? Your nightmares are probably just going to get worse and-"

"I know. But I don't want to leech off of you and Chan anymore. If I want any chance at working through this, I have to face the trauma head on."

"But..."

His words died in his throat. He sighed, closing his eyes.

"Ava, it's fine. You're not leeching off of us. We want to do this for you. We just want to make things easier for you."

"I know... But I still feel bad."

He still didn't seem convinced.

"If you don't want to help, I could always ask someone else."

He dropped his gaze again, and I could have sworn I saw tears glinting in his eyes. He turned his back on me as he spoke.

"I think that would be best. For you and me."

Then he started walking away, his steps slow and heavy, like it broke his heart to turn away from me.

"Wait, Lee Know..."

He stopped when he heard me speak but didn't turn around.

"I... please, just... I need to understand. Please..."

I saw his shoulders rise and fall as a deep sigh left his lips. He slowly turned to me. He still wouldn't make eye contact.

"If it's really what you want to do, I'll help you."

The emotion in his voice made me completely forget what I wanted to say, hurt and anguish coming to fester in my heart. He brushed past me into the room and before I could stop myself, I flinched. It wasn't very big, and it just happened automatically, but he definitely saw it. It was so quiet in the room; I could hear his tears drip onto the floor. I reached out to him, but he walked away, going into the bathroom to get my things.