𝑩𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒍 //𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒚 𝑲𝒊𝒅𝒔 𝑭𝑭//

~𝟭𝟱~

I almost passed out as we waited for the commander to call us into his office. Chan had said that the decision was basically final and that we just needed it to be official, but I still felt like I could throw up. I paced around nervously in the hallway. If Lee Know hadn't come to stand in front of me, I would have walked a hole in the carpet.

"Stand still for a second," he said as he took my shoulders.

"If you're going to lecture me, I swear I'm going to burst out in tears."

"I just wanted to say good luck. We might not be able to go in with you. So, I just wanted to tell you that everything will be fine."

"Oh, come on, now I'm really going to cry," I said, feeling my nose burn and my eyes water. He gently rubbed my shoulder. Then I heard the door open behind me. A thin woman with glasses came out, eyeing me suspiciously.

"Ava Noyes, the commander will see you now. Only you."

Then the woman turned around and scurried back through the door. I looked at all the boys, taking in a deep breath and giving them thumbs-up.

"See you all on the other side."

...

The office was big, bigger than I expected. My eyes scanned over the numerous picture frames on the wall before I sat down at the desk. I felt the commander's eyes scan over my frame, my head lowered and eyes looking down from nervousness. Then I heard him paging through some papers, and I looked up. I saw the handwriting shine through the page, and I felt myself shiver in recognition. Those were files my previous commander wrote to document my performance and mental health. Then he picked up another stack and paged through those. The handwriting was unfamiliar.

"So, it seems like everyone has very good things to say about you. Now I want to know, how did you find living with eight men?"

"I enjoyed it. We got really close and I feel comfortable with them, Sir."

"Okay, and what about the breakdowns?"

My throat went dry. My mind went blank. He knew about those?

"Sir, with all due respect, I don't think this is something I'm comfortable discus-"

"Is it true that there is a man from your past that is hunting you down as we speak?"

"Yes, Sir, but it-"

"Is it true that you had a mental breakdown after hearing the prisoner escaped from the van?"

By this point I was hyperventilating. It was going exactly how I hoped it wouldn't. He knew. He knew everything. I felt like I couldn't breathe. The walls were closing in on me. I dug my fingers into the desk.

"Sir, I-"

"Is it true that in the five weeks that you have been living with the boys, you have learned to trust them, and made them, in turn, trust you?"

"Sir, that's...Wait, what?"

"Well? Is it true?"

"Yes... I think so."

"Then there can't possibly be a reason why this team can't accept you into their ranks. It's official. Sign this document, and you will officially be part of the team."

He handed me a paper and a pen, but I just sat there, astounded. I sat completely still until I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder. It was Chan. The boys had gathered around me, patiently waiting for me to sign.

"If you need some time, that's okay. We understand-"

"No, it's not that, I just..."

"Need a little time to get your thoughts together, right?" the commander asked, smiling at me. I nodded my head.

"But I'm ready. For this to be official."

I took the pen and signed my name on the dotted line. It felt so liberating. The boys all cheered behind me, gently patting me on the back. When I got up, I was engulfed in a giant group hug, feeling myself sink into the warmth.

"You ready for this?" Felix asked me once we had pulled away.

"Yeah. Let's do this."

...

I willed my feet to walk as Chan held the door open for me. Every eye in the conference room where the celebration was being held had turned to me, some scanning my face, others where I rather wouldn't want eyes to linger. I stepped through the door. The party-goers swarmed around me, patting my back, and giving me compliments. I waited in agony for them to give me space. Just as I felt myself breathing faster again, a hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me out of the crowd. I could feel my muscles loosen up as I saw Hyunjin smirking at me.

"Claustrophobic, I'm guessing?"

"No, I just don't like men being so close to me."

"Makes sense. I don't like girls being so close to me either. Maybe we should be close to each other instead?" He laughed.

"Have you been hanging around Lee Know again? Or did he dare you to say that?"

"I'll leave that up to you to speculate on."

We laughed together. As I straitened up again, something caught my gaze. It was the commander. He was whispering something to someone and looking at me suspiciously. As soon as he noticed me staring, he looked away, the other man catching on and leaving. My brows furrowed and a frustrated pout spread on my lips.

"What you looking at? Someone steel your candy, pouty face?" Hyunjin asked, gently squeezing my cheeks. I stuck out my tongue, licking his finger. He immediately pulled away, his face contorting into disgust, making me giggle.

...

As time kept moving on, my nerves kept growing. I had become fidgety. I tried my best to keep my hands still around the boys, but it got harder and harder. A few times I caught them taking glances at my hands, and I would quickly hide them behind my back or run them over my hair. I got a few sceptical looks from them, but I tried to brush it off. Just get this done, I told myself. The time came for me to get the gun, but I just couldn't. I was frozen. I saw my commander enter through the doors on the other side of the room. When his gaze met mine, he glared at me, as if to tell me that I was on thin ice. That snapped me out of my frozen state. I excused myself from the conversation I was in and moved toward him. He gently slipped the cool metal object into my hand when I reached him. I rushed to get away from him, the metal in my hands like weights on my mind.

I slipped into a bathroom stall and locked the door. I stood with my back against it, looking up at the roof to collect my thoughts. Then I slipped the gun underneath my dress, fastening the strap. It felt strange but luckily it was unnoticeable. I joined the party again. As I did, I saw Chan coming my way. I clenched my fist. Don't tell him anything. To my surprise, he just smiled and walked past me. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. One step down, two to go.