A Court of Death || ACOTAR

4

Astryn could feel distress in that little part of her that came from Death's realm. It tugged on her, urged her to go there.

She hadn't felt anything from him before, but there was a tug now, as if that part of Death needed to return home. She didn't know what to make of it, but she knew talking to Azriel about it likely wouldn't end well.

So, instead of going to Azriel, she went to Rhys. She found her brother in his study, and he smiled warmly at her when she came in.

"I thought you had plans with Mor?" Rhys mentioned as Astryn came in, closing the door behind herself.

"I canceled," Astryn explained, sitting on the couch against one of the walls. "I wasn't feeling well."

"What's wrong?" Rhys asked, eyes shining with concern.

"Something feels wrong...in Death's realm. Something feels like it's wrong there," she told him, trying to ignore that tugging she felt. "That little...piece of his realm in me is pulling back there. I don't know what's going on but something is wrong there."

"Have you spoken to Azriel about it?" he inquired, and she let out a quiet sigh.

"I can't talk to him about Death," she mumbled, "he isn't fond of him."

Rhys resisted the urge to tell her he wasn't fond of Death either, especially not now that some part of Death was tugging her to his realm. She had insisted that Death was her friend, but Rhys found it as hard to believe as Azriel did. He was Death. How could he truly care about her?

Rhys admitted that it had to mean something that Death brought Astryn back to life, but Rhys doubted that king's intentions were as pure as he claimed they were.

"I think it's something you should discuss with him," Rhys suggested, "if Death is calling to you...he should know."

Astryn observed her brother for a moment before letting out a quiet sigh and standing up.

"I'm going to visit Death," she told him, leaving no room for argument, "he's my friend."

"Astryn," Rhys said, his voice stern in a way he never spoke to her. "Wait on it. Don't go to Death's realm yet. If there's trouble there, it might not be safe."

The stars in her eyes that matched his own blinked out, and Rhys was reminded of one of the things they never talked about. Astryn had more power than even he did.

"He's my friend," she repeated, "I'm going to visit him."

"Tell Azriel," Rhys told her, "do not go there without warning him."

Astryn didn't say a word as she turned and left.

Part of her knew that she probably should tell Azriel, but she didn't want to. It would only lead to an argument. Azriel didn't trust Death and likely never would. She wished, though, that he trusted her enough to take her word for this.

She made her way back to the room she and Azriel shared and tried to think of any way to have a conversation about this that wouldn't end in them angry at each other. She didn't want to argue, so she decided to just go visit Death and face whatever anger Azriel felt about it later.

So, she slept and went to visit Death.

•••

Astryn opened her eyes to throne room.

Death was nowhere to be seen, but she had wandered the palace enough times that she knew where she would likely find him. She found him the first place she thought to check.

They had spent some of her visits in this massive library, despite the fact the he hadn't allowed anyone else in since he lost his Queen. He hadn't told her much beyond that he had lost her, and she didn't press for details. But he had welcomed Astryn in and showed her his favorite places.

And he was exactly in that favorite place he had shown her. He was curled up on a plush velvet chair by a fire with a book he wasn't really reading. His eyes flicked to her before he looked back to his book.

"I haven't been able to read for the last...however long I've been sitting here," Death told her, closing the book and setting it on his chair as he stood up. He smoothed out nonexistent wrinkles in his jacket.

"You're not wearing your crown," she muttered, mostly because it was so rare to see the king of this realm without that silver bone crown atop his golden curls.

"I don't feel very kingly at the moment," he responded, his dark eyes gleaming with exhaustion.

"I could feel...something here. I could feel it from that piece of you," she told him, and the exhaustion gave way to alarm.

"I apologize," he spoke with a calmness that didn't match the confusion and alarm in his arms. "I didn't mean to project onto you. Did it...did it make you come here?"

"It didn't make me do anything," she dismisses that concern, "I felt that something was wrong and wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You...wanted to come here?" he asked, hating how vulnerable he sounded. He wondered if his twin was right about him.

"You're my friend," she reminded him, and he tried not to let himself ache at that word—friend. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"You shouldn't worry about me," he assured her with a forced smile, "I know it causes tension with your mate."

"You're my friend," she repeated, "and Azriel will just have to find a way to be okay with that. He is my mate but that does not mean he controls where I go and who I see. I wanted to see you, and so I came."

Death sighed deeply, staring into the violet eyes that he had seen only from a distance for quite some time, had longed for so deeply. He almost wished he hadn't ever gotten the chance to see those eyes looking at him.

"It is not out of ill that silly Fae male jealousy that Azriel finds himself uneasy at you being here. I won't try to lie and convince you that he thinks of me in any pleasant ways, but it's not his views of me that have him so desperate to keep you away from here. This place is not for lovely beings like you, Astryn. It is for the dead. You shouldn't be here, and he knows it. He can't feel you from here, the bond tugs and tugs but he can't feel whether or not you're okay."

Astryn frowned, a pang of guilt in her heart at the reminder of what the distance, what being realms apart, did. She could still feel him. But, still, Death was her friend.

"What happened?" she asked him hesitantly. "What caused your distress?"

"It's none of your concern," he tried to tell her, "it's my problem to deal with."

"You don't have to deal with it alone," she insisted, "I came to help you."

"You cannot help me," Death spoke sternly, no trace of the warmth he usually spoke to her with, "go home, Astryn. Stay with your mate. I gave you life so you could do that, because it's what you wanted."

"I don't know how to be around him anymore," she confessed quietly, violet eyes welling up with tears, "everything has been so different since I...it has all been so different since I died. I feel stifled lately. I try to ignore it but I feel stifled. Even with strength and power, I feel like I'm suffocating. I know he only does it out of care, that they all only do it out of care but the protectiveness and treating everything, even you who saved me, as if it's a danger to me...I hate it. But I love him and I love everyone who has done so much to protect me even if it hurts me but I just wish they would stop. Let me stay here with you, just until my body must wake."

"If you told your mate this, and told everyone else who loves you dearly enough to protect you the way they do, things would change. They don't ever want to cause you harm. Least of all Azriel. He loves you, more than even he knows," Death told her, not letting himself dwell on how much envy that love filled him with.

"I don't know how to tell him," she mumbled, wiping away the tears that slipped out. "I don't want to hurt him. I know it's only out of love. I don't want him to...I don't know. I don't want to hurt him."

"He would hurt, Astryn, if he knew you allowed him to unknowingly harm you."