A Court of Death || ACOTAR

67

Azriel was surprised to find Cassian still awake when he and Astryn finally parted ways to go to bed.

"You eavesdropped after all then," Azriel concluded as Cassian trailed after him into his room.

"Hardly," Cassian murmured, "not intentionally, at least. You know how it is—Illyrian's have excellent hearing."

"And I assume you want to talk about what you heard."

Cassian started at him for a long few moments before speaking, "I didn't realize you had thought about...all of us together, for real, more than just for sex. I thought about it too, you know. I tried not to, and I never really fell in love with her that way, but I could have. I never thought you'd have been okay with it."

"You were...you are important to her. Even after she left me, there were moments I wondered if you were doing more than just flying over her cabin to check on her, if she was inviting you in, inviting you to her bed. I hated the thought at first, and then I thought...you were better for her than I was. You were the one who went out and searched for her when she left. You were the one who checked on her. You were always the one who was there when I screwed up."

"I screwed up too," Cassian reminded him, "I was a bad friend to her for a long time. And a bad friend to you. If I had been a good friend to her of you, I would have told her that nothing that was going on was okay. If I had been a good friend to you, I would have told you to pull your head out of your ass and start treating her better because I knew she was going to leave you. I knew she wasn't going to stay, and I knew that you just pushed her further and further away with every single thing you did. And I didn't say a word. To either of you."

"But you were still the first one to own up to it. You apologized. You went after her when she left. In the end, you were the only one of us who came through for her. And I thought maybe...I thought there was a chance the two of you moved on together. I hated that thought at first, but then I thought...it made sense. It made a lot of sense, and she would probably be happier with you, and you would definitely be happy with her."

"I would never do that to you, Az," Cassian said firmly, "never. I never even thought about it. I know you never stopped loving her. Four fucking centuries and you never once touched anyone else. The only time you even considered it was when we got so drunk we could barely tell up from down. And even then you backed out before anything happened. You never stopped loving her. I never would have done anything with her."

"But, if you had none I was okay with it, would you?" he mused, eyebrows raised.

"No. No, I wouldn't have, because as much as you think you'd be okay with it, you wouldn't have been. She's my friend, and I love her, and maybe there could have been something more there. But you—even with how much you fucked up and how much of an asshole you were back then, you're my friend too, and I love you just as much as I love her. I never would have gone behind your back like that. Ever."

Azriel let out a long, slow breath.

"The bond is...it's starting to come back. There's barely a flicker of if, but we both feel it. I'm terrified of losing that again." There was something freeing about admitting it.

"Then do better. Deserve it, deserve her," Cassian urged before something flashed through his eyes, "and, Az, I can't promise I'll still be there for you. I let it go once, but the person you were with her back then? That's not someone I can get behind."

Azriel nodded.

"I told Rhys the same thing," Cassian told him, "or almost the same thing. I told him that if he tries to lock her up ever again, she won't be the only one leaving this Court."

"And what did he say?" Azriel asked, trying to imagine how their brother the High Lord might've responded to that.

"He said Feyre already more or less threatened to kill him if he pulled that shit again," he informed him with a grin, "our High Lady gave it to him good."