A Court of Death || ACOTAR

20

Astryn didn't want to go to Helion again. She didn't want to put him in any awkward positions. Or be too easy to find. She had no intention of returning to the Night Court, and if Cassian managed to track her down she knew there was a chance she could be convinced to go back.

After days of wandering, she decided to make herself a home in the Middle. It was a dangerous choice and she knew it, but it would keep Azriel and her so-called family away. Besides, she was almost certain she had enough power to survive alongside the monsters that lived in this forest.

With the help of that power, she had a little log cabin up within a day. It wasn't too large, one bedroom, one bathroom, a modestly sized living room, and a kitchen. She winnowed in some furniture from the house she had bought in Velaris along with a few other things to make life easier.

She started a small garden on the side of the house, planting and tending to fruits and vegetables and herbs to cook with. It was delightfully peaceful, and none of the monsters of the Middle had bothered her so far. After a few weeks, she painted the inside of the cabin. Pink and yellow walls brightened the space.

As weeks turned into months, she amassed a small collection of little trinkets to decorate her new home with. It was peaceful, the happiest she had been in a year. It was easy to thrive out here. She occasionally left little gifts for the monsters that resides in the forest. The Suriel enjoyed that the most. After a while, small amounts of fruits and vegetables began to go missing from her garden, though the culprit left the spoils of a hunt behind as an offer of trade. Astryn was more than happy to agree to the trade for some extra protein in her diet since she wasn't much of a hunter herself.

A couple nights a week, she visited Death. He had hired a demon assistant to do all his busywork so his schedule was more free. It was nice to still have a friend to go to. And she got the sense that Death was reluctantly growing quite fond of his demon. He denied it, but Astryn didn't fail to notice the way his eyes never left the demon whenever she was in the room.

Nearly a year went by before her peace was interrupted.

She was curled up on a chair outside with a book, basking in the morning sun. Footsteps approaching got her attention, and her eyes dragged up to find Cassian standing there. His hair was a little longer now, hanging down below his broad shoulders. He looked both shocked and exhausted, blinking as if he thought what he was seeing was a mirage. And then he laughed, taking in the picturesque scene before him. The cabin, the comfy chair Astryn was on, the vegetable garden on the side of the house, the wildflowers growing in front of the house. And Astryn herself. She seemed so much brighter out here. Away from Azriel and Rhys and...everyone.

"I suppose this isn't a coincidence," Astryn said careful, marking her page with a bookmark made of flower petals and setting the book aside. "How are you?"

"I didn't—I gave up for a while. I looked in the Day Court and Summer and...I checked all the places that seemed possible. I gave up for a while. Six months," he said, staring at her like she was a ghost. "This was...I didn't think you'd be here, but I heard rumors about someone living out here so..."

"I'm not going back, Cassian," she told him, and she couldn't even fake an apologetic tone. "Ever."

"I wasn't going to ask you to," he assured her, "I just had to see you. Had to see that you're okay. Everything is...nothing is the same back home, but I know this is better for you. Azriel is...he's not what you need. He's working on himself, but he's not what you need and even if he did fix himself, he's not entitled to your forgiveness. He fucked up. Bad. We all did."

"You less than others," she offered up as much of a comfort as she could.

"I'm no better than any of them," Cassian dismissed with a watery laugh, "I knew shit was going downhill long before it exploded. We all knew it. I was a bad friend. I wanted to pretend it could be okay so I didn't tell you what I was seeing. I didn't tell you that the way he was being with you about Death wasn't okay. You were...you had no idea what a healthy relationship looked like and I knew it didn't look like what you and Az had but I didn't tell you because I was terrified of you leaving."

"You were the only good friend I had," she asserted before letting out a sigh, "but this? There's nothing here for you. I'm sorry, but looking for me was a waste of your time. I can't let you in."

Cassian understood it. Letting him in opened a door she couldn't open. If he had a place in her life, it would complicate everything. Azriel hadn't recovered from her leaving. Rhys pretended to be fine, to have moved on from his sister walking right out of his life. Amren and Mor pretended Astryn never existed at all. Astryn had only been there for a year in their immortal lives. It was easy to pretend she had never been there at all. Cassian having a part in Astryn's life now would rip deeper wounds that hadn't ever healed to begin with.

"I won't come back again," he promised her, "I just needed to see that you're okay. I hope you live happily, Ryn."

"You too, Cassian," she told him, "thank you for being a friend."

He resisted the urge to cross the space and hug her. Instead, he turned and he walked away, and he wondered if she would ever think of him again.