A Court of Death || ACOTAR

11

Astryn found a new place for herself, a small house right at the edge of the wards protecting Velaris. It was her compromise with Rhys. She would stay in the protection of the city, but away from him. Away from Azriel.

The house she picked was clear across the city from his. Cassian helped her settled in, and only Cassian because she wouldn't allow anyone else here. Only she and Cassian knew the location of the house.

"Are you ever going to talk to Mor and Amren?" Cassian brought up hesitantly as he helped her hang her clothes in the closet.

"Eventually," Astryn answered tiredly, "but not now. I'm still angry at the way things went with Azriel. I don't want to take that anger into a conversation with either of them."

Cassian paused what he was doing and took a moment to just look at her, take in every little difference between the female standing in front of him now and the girl he had first met.

"I think you matured before any of us did," he noted simply before returning to his task.

"Dying will do that to a person," she half joked, "I suppose that was something good that came out of it."

It was true and Cassian knew it. Everything had changed after she died and came back. It was like some switch had been flipped in her, and she decided that it was time to leave the past in the past and be someone new. She didn't accept just day to day survival and coping anymore after she had lost her life for that brief time. She came back, and she took control of everything she was.

For a moment, Cassian resented Azriel. It was just a brief flicker of cold contempt for Azriel for seeing this version of Astryn and second guessing any choice she made. He didn't see how he could doubt her. And, gone as quick as the resentment, was a heartbeat of jealousy, because Cassian knew that if he had been Astryn's mate instead, he would have worshipped the confidence and power she gained as if she was a new goddess rising to power. He didn't understand how Azriel could do anything but worship this new version of Astryn.

"I'm proud of you, you know," he said suddenly, "for everything you've done. It hurt when you left and went to Helion but I'm even proud of you for that too—for making those choices for yourself. I'm proud of you, Ryn."

Astryn stared at him for a few seconds, and she didn't have to say it for him to know she was thinking something very similar to what he had thought and shut out of his mind only moments ago. She said it anyway.

"I wonder why it's him instead of you," she mumbled, "how are those things decided?"

"I don't know how it's decided," Cassian said, "but you love him and that's not just because he was chosen to be your mate. You chose to love him, that's not the bond. That's you, and him."

"It was easier before," she said with a helpless shrug, "I didn't mind it before, you know? Like...I was okay with him being the one to decide what was okay and who was safe but things are just different now and it feels like he doesn't want to grow with me."

"He just needs time," he reasoned, "it's not...it doesn't excuse what he—or any of us—did but you need to remember he felt you die. He felt the bond snap and felt you die in his arms. That's not easy to recover from."

"I was the one who died and I recovered just fine," she retorted, and he raised an eyebrow at her as if to ask if that was really true.

"You both need to talk about what you dying changed," he suggested, "you won't get anywhere with each other if you don't."

"I got better after I died," she said defensively, "I let Rhys train me and I did more training with you. I got better. He's the one who has the problem."

"I've been at this for a hundred years, Ryn," he reminded her, "I know when someone is using all that training as a way to run, to avoid things. That's why you threw yourself in so hard, why you let Rhys train you too. You haven't dealt with it."

"I'm fine," she insisted, "it has been a year."

"You died," Cassian stated what they were both well aware of, "you bled out in Azriel's arms and you died after your uncle stabbed you. I'd be more worried if I thought you really were somehow just fine after that."

"I'm back now," she responded, "I'm back and I've been back for a year. I'm okay."

"I'll be around when you decide to stop lying to yourself about that."