A Court of Death || ACOTAR

45

Astryn had nightmares again that night, but she didn't scream when she woke. She woke up in a cold sweat and spent the rest of the night awake, trying to recall what it was that she had even dreamed of that had been so horrific.

She fell asleep again just before sunrise. When she woke from another round of nightmares, she did scream. She couldn't recall where she was, her surroundings a blur to her. A voice cut through the hazy panic, something vaguely familiar but far too distant to reach her.

She lashed out with her power, shoving the source of the voice away from her. The person spoke again but she couldn't make out a single word of it until she calmed down a little more and she couldn't hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears.

Slowly, she took in her surroundings. And then Cassian sitting across the room, back against the wall.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, and he grinned.

"I always forget how wild your power feels," he said, "I don't know how you keep a lid on all that. I'd be throwing anyone who annoyed me on their asses all the time."

She opened her mouth and then closed it again, staring at him like she expected him to change moods and snap at her for lashing out. He didn't. He got up, slowly and carefully to make sure not to startle her as he had before.

"I made breakfast," he said, smiling mischievously, "pancakes." She still just stared him. "And some eggs. One of your, uh...monster pals took some stuff from your garden and left those. I don't even want to know how you ended up making trade deals with the monsters out here. This place is supposed to be impossible to survive in, you know? But it welcomed you pretty easily." He paused and she didn't speak so he continued. "Anyway, we should eat before the food gets cold. Cold eggs are gross."

Hesitantly, Astryn followed him to the kitchen. He filled plates for both of them and rambled on about any he could think of to try to earn some reaction from her.

"You know, Helion probably still doesn't know that you're alive," he brought up, deciding ti do away with easy, casual topics for something a little more substantial, "I don't know who close you two were or if it was just casual hooking up but...he probably still thinks you're dead. I don't know if you want to change that, let him know you're still kicking."

"Eventually," she muttered, and Cassian hesitated before speaking again.

"Why not now?" he inquired, watching her closely.

"I'm not...me," she answered with a shrug.

"You're still you," he countered, "you're just...healing. But you're still you." She only shrugged again. "I didn't know mate bonds could break," he brought up, "I thought once you accepted the bond that was just...it. But your bond with Az broke. I don't know if it was just because of...because you died or if all that time apart was involved or...I don't know. I just didn't think that was possible. I was there with Az when it broke. The last thing he felt before it was gone was you coming back again after you had died. Did you feel it when it went away?"

"I didn't notice for a while," she said after a moment, "but I was relieved when I realized it was gone."

"I..." he trailed off for a moment, his mind drifting back to that night he sat with Azriel as he felt her die and come back over and over until the bond was gone. Azriel had been anything but relieved. But he understood why Astryn was. "I get it."

Astryn gave him a look that made him wonder if he really did get it at all.

"I didn't want him to feel all of it," she said after a few seconds, "that's why I was relieved." She had gotten good at ignoring the bond over the years, but she knew it was likely different for Azriel, especially when she started dying over and over. She still resented him, but she didn't think he deserved to have to feel all of that pain. He was better off with no bond at all. They both were.

"Do you think you'll ever want to see him again?" Cassian asked quietly.

"Why would I?" she questioned back. "He's not my mate anymore, and even if he was...nothing that happened erases what he did."

She drifted off again after that. Cassian watched it happen, watched her retreat back into herself. He made a mental note to avoid the idea of seeing Azriel in any future conversations. He went back to rambling, hoping to find something to draw her back out.

The rest of the day was quiet.

Astryn insisted Cassian take the bed again. His arguments were useless as she settled in on the sofa. He almost considered just carrying her to bed, but he wasn't sure how she would react to being touched.

At least it would give him something to argue about with her again the next day if she insisted on it again. It was a small comfort to know she would indulge him in the argument even though they both knew she would get what she wanted.