ONE kiss | JM

17

Jimin and I stop walking as we are standing in front of my apartment and my mind was filled with the kiss I just had with him. It's been such a long time since I felt this weird weird feeling in my stomach and the nervousness I always felt when I was around Jeon Jungkook before we 'dated'. But it was so different when it came from Jimin. It felt so much better. It was almost like he put all his love in the kiss.

He even kissed back, I forgot about that and it instantly makes me blush again at the thought. I remember his hands on my waist and the way he gently pulled me closer. It seemed like he didn't want to let me go. I want it to repeat. I want to experience that scene again. It's Park Jimin, the playboy, I got to kiss. I still can't process that.

We both turn to each other as Jimin smiles cheekily. He must feel embarrassed. I mean, I would be too. I wouldn't have expected this to happen at all. I thought I was gonna avoid him my whole life, but the whole opposite happened and it makes me so weak. He makes me weak.

"So..." He begins, as he's scratching the back of his head, looking down as my lips form in a small smile. He's so cute. I never saw him being all adorable and shy. I'm new to this side of him. "It was nice hanging out with you and I hope I made you feel better," He steps closer, and my eyes shift to his plump lips and back to his eyes. I'm so head over heels for this guy.

"T-Thanks, by the way," I thank him and giggle, feeling quite shy at the moment as he's dangerously close. Jimin chuckles. He's so sympathetic when we're outside of school. I totally forgot he once saved me from other dudes who were about to rape me. "And thanks again for saving me, that day," I say, my smile falls slowly at the images in my head which appear as I think back to that day. "Don't thank me for that," He says and steps back.

There's an awkward silence between us once again today. This is the first time a guy bought me home at night, and it's also the first time it's not Kim Taehyung. Jungkook never bought me home. He never worried when I was out alone at night and never made sure I'm okay. But whatever. He's gone now forever hopefully. And I hope, I'll never see him ever again. That'd be my biggest nightmare.

"Anyway, are you coming to Tae's party tomorrow? You should come," I lift my gaze at Jimin again as he suddenly mentions Taehyung's party which I totally forgot. Not this topic again. I'm still not sure if I should go. Taehyung hates me at the moment, why should I go? He doesn't want me there anyway and we haven't talked today at all. He's obviously tired of me. And that means I don't have anyone anymore. I'm all alone by myself.

"No, I probably shouldn't," I chuckle awkwardly at him. "It's Tae's party and I'd just ruin his whole vibe," I say. Jimin doesn't say anything for a few seconds, he must be thinking of an answer. "Think about it. I'm going to be there," He smiles, flirtatious, and takes out his phone. His smile drops as soon as he looks at the lock screen. "Shit," I get curious. "What is it?" I ask him, my eyes focused on his facial expression. "hundred-fifty missed calls from Tae," He was with him at the party today, I forgot about that.

He lifts his head and turns off his phone. "I should get going," His soft smile appears on his face again and my heart starts beating faster as I watch him. He's so beautiful and he knows it. "Sleep tight," He wishes me a good night before he turns around and wants to leave. But there's still a thought, that won't leave my mind. "Wait!" He turns around, seeming confused. Should I really tell him that he is not as bad as he seems? I just want it to leave my lips and tell him what I think about him. As a thank you and still afraid he might see it as an insult. I just shrug it off. I shouldn't. "It's nothing. Good night, Jimin!"

I'm sitting at the kitchen counter at 3 AM, drinking my chocolate milk while staring into space. I couldn't stop checking my phone notifications and whenever I tap my phone screen, it says "No Older Notifications" and it makes me wild. What am I even expecting, Jimin to text me that he had fun and would like to hang out someday again? I'm so naive and blind.

I got issues. Weird issues I need to fix. Why do I want his attention so bad? He's just so precious and I felt so light under his touch when we kissed under the street lights. I repeat, it felt like a dream. I should probably just go to bed and try to sleep. I don't have anything to worry about since I'm suspended and it's going to ruin my application to UOT, the abbreviation for 'University of Toronto'. I mean, I sent the daughter from the owner of Harvard to the hospital, I'd never get the chance to study there. It's all my fault and I can't fix that anymore.

I sigh and place my elbow on the counter as I rest my chin in my hand, feeling damaged and done with my life. I feel so lonely and desperate. Desperate for Jimin to touch me and kiss me again and give me all of his attention. I feel so ashamed of myself for being such a whore. I'm disgusting. No wonder why Taehyung doesn't talk to me anymore. I wanted to text him and ask him what the fuck I did wrong but Tae's so scary when he's mad.

Tomorrow is his party, and I still don't know if I should just go even if it's for an hour. I mean, Taehyung is popular for his looks and his huge parties. I'm kind of a nerd anyway but should I really miss it? Jimin even requested me to go, he's going to be there as well. But I'm so scared. Park Jimin is popular as well, why would he hang out with me? He might though, I'm unsure of it.

I should go. Everyone is invited, well not everyone. But still, he didn't say we're not friends anymore so it's not official. I even helped him plan and even made a whole playlist for his party, which of course isn't much work, but I still participated in making the party.

Did I just seriously motivate myself to go to that party? Or is it because of Jimin? He might be the reason why I actually would want to go. Not only him but also to maybe talk to Taehyung when I get to see him. I already know it's going to be weird when I'll be there, but what am
I'm even supposed to do it? I'm suspended for an entire week and I already feel like I'm failing school and this semester.

I'm such an embarrassment. What am I even supposed to tell my mother when she gets back home? Thinking of her, I should probably call her and ask her how she's doing. She's in another country, so the time zones must be different. But I don't care, it might be 3 AM, but I'm still her daughter. She should pick up my call.

I unlock my phone, and still expect a notification but there's none disappointed instantly hits me but I try to get away from that feeling. I sigh and go through my contacts and search for my mother's.

I hold lightly press my phone against my ear after pressing the call button, hoping for her to accept my call. I miss her. She's been gone for such a long time now and hasn't even called me or texted me once.

My heart tightens as she doesn't pick up the call and the mailbox is played. I turn off my phone and head to my bed, feeling tired and sorrowful.
I lay down in my bed, covering my body with the blanket and looking at the ceiling.

I maybe deserve this. Being alone. Having almost no friends and shit. Maybe that's the best for me. I should just confront Tae tomorrow and see what happens before I'll focus on school and no one else.

Jimin probably already forgot about me. But thinking back at how sweet and gentle he was, makes me smile. He was so delightful and precious.

Jungkook was like that as well. But he ended up treating me like trash after some time. I should stop thinking that way about Jimin, even though, he has me under his spell. Officially. But I should just get over it. I'm scared my future ends up like that again.

I wanted to start new, get straight A's, and make myself, my mother, and my teachers proud. But I failed. I totally failed and I despise myself for that and now I have also fallen for Playboy Park which I never intended to do. My heart races when he's near. And it feels like I could actually become unconscious when he's not even one centimeter far from my face.

I shut my eyes, cuddling myself in my blanket as I slowly drift into sleep.

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