ONE kiss | JM

22

I've been standing here in front of the mirror for 10 minutes now and sunk my hands under the water flowing down the water tap in the restroom, trying to wash off the pink liquid from my hair and succeded a little bit but there are still pink traces to be seen. My face is completely clean but my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying. 

Zoey Harvard messed up really bad this time, I'm not gonna lie. I wonder if she feels bad for what she did in front of the whole canteen, but I remember that she's the meanest person in the world and she wouldn't even feel a tiny bit of guilt. 

The only thing she carries within her heart is hatred toward people. Especially me. I sniff and take out the paper from the metallic box against the wall and dry my hands and throw it into the trash can next to the sink. 

I wonder what Taehyung thought. He didn't even help me or follow me to the WCs to even ask if I need help, but I guess he's done with me and I can't believe it. We have not talked and it's just so weird without him. I look at my reflection in the mirror. 

Ever since Park Jimin attended Winterville High, my life has been going downhill. Not to forget, he fucked me and left me after. He ghosted me, to be exact. 

I must admit, this is the worst school year and it just began. My heart clenches thinking about my future but shrugs it off. I shouldn't worry and move on. I actually would've gone out of the restroom and slammed Zoey's face on the table multiple times, but I can't do that. 

I can't risk my university chances for that. I'm definitely going to talk to Mr. Edwards about my school certificate this year and try to convince him to wipe off the 'Y/n L/n was suspended for a week' and do something in return. 

I want to study literature and someday write my own books, publish them and become a successful author. That's one of my biggest dreams which I'm not going to give up so easily. I should think positively and write about my own life. About how I managed to live my dream, after all the discomfort and sorrow. 

I pity myself. 

I don't deserve all the tragedy people make me go through. 

Jungkook, my own mother, Zoey, Park Jimin, and Kim Taehyung. I hate all of them and I wish them nothing but the same bad actions they caused me. They deserve it more than anyone else. 

I sob as a tear rolls down my eye and I immediately wipe it off using my sleeve and pull out my phone from the pocket of my pants. I sit down on the cold and dirty floor and lean against the white stoic wall. My mask thankfully didn't get wet from all the drink since I put it inside my pocket too before I left class. 

I type in my code and open my lock screen and put my phone on my ear, waiting for my mother to pick up my call. Even though I know she won't pick up, there's still hope left. 

Please pick up please pick up please pick up!

I squeeze my eyes shut and a sob leaves my mouth as soon as the voicemail responds. "The person you are trying to reach is not answering, please try again later"

I push the red button and hit my phone on the floor, pulling my knees to my body and hugging them, burying my face in my arms as I start crying again. I can't help it.

I feel so lonely. I have no one and I'm all alone. 

My heart stings and it feels so painful. 

I just want someone to be my friend forever, is that too much to ask? 

I just want a mother who cares for her one and only daughter, is that also too much to ask? 

My eyes burn through all the tears and I wipe them away and take my phone. I stand up and look at the ground for a few seconds. 

My life has been destined to be this horrifying. I can't live with the pain anymore.

 I sigh and finally exit the restroom. I turn to the right and head towards the hallway which leads to the canteen but turns to the left and leave the cafeteria. The whole campus is empty and there were still a few people in the canteen. The next lesson must have started and I didn't hear the bell.

I walk towards the large and elongating building and enter the main window-like doors. I gaze over the whole atrium, no soul comes into my view and I make my way to the stairs. I finally reach the last floor of the school's building and turn to the right, walking through another long hallway.

I open the last door of the corridor and open it, taking a deep breath. This is the crawlspace room and the charwomen of the school always store their cleaning supplies in here. It also has an exit which is located in the ceiling. I enter the crawlspace and look around. It's messy in here. 

I look up at the exit and forward my hand to the small handle yet can't reach it. I give up and search for something I can stand on to open the exit and get on top of the roof. My eyes spot a red box in the corner next to the vacuum, finding cleaning supplies in it. 

I crouch down and throw them to the side, emptying the box. I take it in my hand and place it in the middle of the room. I inhale and exhale before I get on top of the wooden material. I once again try to reach the handle of the exit and I'm successful. I push the small square door and hold onto the frame, trying to crawl myself to the rooftop. 

I finally get to push myself out of the crawlspace with much struggle and stumble forward and accidentally tumble and hurt myself. "Fuck," I sit up and hold onto my knee, stroking it roughly out of frustration. 

I need to keep going. I try to get up, trying to balance myself. The wind is hitting my skin and the sky is grey and cloudy. It looks like it's about to rain. 

Perfect. 

I walk towards the edge of the rooftop and gaze over the huge and empty campus, which was filled with so many students half an hour ago. I sigh. 

Is committing suicide a good idea? 

It is. 

I don't have a future, it seems. I don't have friends and my mother doesn't even reach out to me. I fell in love with a boy, who just played with me for his own pleasure, though he knew how much I suffered. 

I tear up again at the thought of Park Jimin. 

He really got my hopes high. And he must be proud that he achieved what he wanted. 

I loved him. And I thought for a moment he actually felt the same. 

I take a deep breath and get on top of the stoic edge and stretch out my hands and close my eyes. 

It takes a second and I won't exist anymore. 

It's just going to hurt for a second and I'll lose consciousness and die after a few minutes. 

No one is going to notice my bloody figure on the ground. Everyone is in class. 

I again take a deep breath and close my eyes. 

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