Miss Miller

chapter 24

"I don't know if I can do this Jess"

"You can, come on...Beth and Gemma are waiting for us" her hand reaching out to grab mine, she leads me out of the apartment.

We are on our way to a nightclub, one I've not been to before. I never slept much last night, I was awake most of the night listening to the rain battering off my window. The sound is relaxing. I looked over at the empty side of my bed, thinking of all the things I would say to Lou if she was laying there, how it would have felt to be wrapped in her strong embrace. I swear tears were still falling from my eyes when I managed to sleep.

The club is just a five minute walk from our apartnement, luckily. I've already had quite a lot to drink. Beth and Gemma are already there and have drinks ready for us. I down my drink all at once.

"Slow down, go easy" Beth says

"Anyone want another?" They shake their heads to say no.

I make my way to the bar to get a drink, I order two shots with it. I quickly down the shots before I go back to my friends.

"How is the girlfriend Gwen?" Gemma asks sercasticly

Jess quickly looks at her and shakes her head slightly.

"What's happened?"

"She's not my girlfriend" I laugh "she never was"

"So what was she?" Her eyes squinting at me

"Nothing but a friend" I smile "how are you both getting on?" I try to change the subject.

"Wait...weren't you supposed to be across the country with her?' Beth asks.

"I was but I'm back now" I take a gulp of my drink.

"That was a quick trip, what happened" she places a hand over mine.

"Sometimes people aren't who you think they are" I look down at my cup "she broke my heart" I pause "and I don't want to talk about so can we please change the subject"

They all nod in agreement to change the subject. I zone out as they talk about what they have been doing this summer, how their love Life's are shit and how they are not looking forward to going to work tomorrow.

I get a sudden whiff of vodka, memories of Lou rush through my thoughts.

I stand up "I'm just going to get air, I won't be long"

"Do you want me to come with you?" Gemma asks

"No I'm okay thank you"

I stagger outside, I walk to a quieter spot on the pavement, I get out a cigarette and place it between my lips. I rake through my little hand bag to find my lighter when suddenly a familure face appears with a lighter, she lights the cigarette for me. It's Debbie ocean.

"You know these will kill you" She says with a serious face.

I squint my eyes to make sure it is her "I never knew that, hopefully it's soon then" I joke.

Her head tilts to the side "don't say that, don't be so mean to yourself"

I shrug my shoulders, I lean back on the wall "why are you here, never thought this would be your scene"

"I knew you were here, I wanted to make sure you were okay"

"You don't need to check up on me"

"I know but I want to" she looks around "it's not a safe place to be out here alone"

I leane my head back and blow smoke towards the dark skye "I'm not alone am I, you're here"

She raises an eyebrow "what if I wasn't?"

"Then I would be alone"

She leans against the wall beside me "exactly, you need to keep yourself safe...it can be a scary world sometimes"

"Listen, you dont need to make sure I'm safe or whatever...I just want left alone from everything that has to do with Lou" I take a deep breath "can you please just leave me alone"

She shakes her head "I know she hurt you, I'm really sorry about that...it'll all make sense one day" she looks down at her feet "I'll go" as she starts to walk away she turns her head to look at me "take care of yourself kid"

As I watch her walk away, I wanted to ask her how Lou is, I want to know if she's thinking about me as much as I am thinking about her, I want to know that she is okay but I don't let myself.

Gemma walks out of the club, I see she's looking for me. I quickly stub out my cigarette and walk over to her.

"Were you smoking?" She asks

"Yeah, everything okay?" I ask her

"It is, we are going for food...I just wanted to come find you...are you coming?"

"Yeah sure"

The others are quick to follow, I lean against Gemma as we walk. Suddenly feeling a lot more drunk than what I thought I was. We arrive at a little Chinese takeout, we order food to take back to our apartment.

We get back to the apartment, I head straight to the half drunk bottle of wine in the kitchen. Quickly pouring myself a glass.

"Does anyone want any wine?"

They all decline. We all sit in the living room, lana del rey plays from the Alexa.

"What a good night, who were you talking to outside Gwen?" Gemma asks me

"Uh, it was Debbie...a friend of Lou's"

"What did she want?" Jess asks

"She wanted to make sure I was okay or something...I don't know" I shrug my shoulders "i told her to leave me alone"

"Good" Jess places a hand on my shoulder.

"It's Lou's loss Gwen" Gemma says

I smile at her and nod my head, I finish my wine and Chinese food.

"Im going to bed"

Everyone else agrees and we head to our beds, Gemma and Beth stay over. Beth sleeps in Jess's bed with her and Gemma sleeps in mine with me. We both get undressed to put pyjamas on, Gemma borrows a pair of mine since they never planned on staying here tonight.

We both lay facing each other.

"Are you okay?" She asks

I nod my head, I feel tears filling my eyes, I know she can see them. She pulls me forward and holds me. Tears fall from my eyes at the feeling of her comforting me. It's nice just to have human contact, every second I'm wishing it was Lou.

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Author

Thank you for reading!!💛💛