Miss Miller

chapter 25

It's 3am, I'm wide awake laying alone. I get out of bed and walk to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I hear footsteps, Jess comes walking out her room squinting her eyes because of the light.

"Sorry did I wake you?" I say quietly

"It's okay, I heard footsteps..."

"Do you want water?" I ask her

"Please"

I give her a glass filled with water. We both lean against the kitchen counters.

"You look wide awake" she says to me

"I am" I look down at my glass

"You have therapy tomorrow don't you?" She asks me

"Yeah, 10am...I'll try to get some sleep" I gulp the rest of my water and place the glass in the sink "goodnight"

"Goodnight"

I walk quietly back to my room, I climb back into bed. I have my laptop playing netflix for back ground noise, that always helps me sleep. After what feels like hours I drift off to sleep.

I'm woken by my Alarm screaming at me from my bedside table. I quickly turn it off. I stretch my arms up above me to try wake up. My head slightly sore and i have a sick feeling in my stomach. I have had a couple bottles of wine every night since that day I left California. I think it's all catching up to me now.

I quickly shower and throw on cloths and run out the door. I have 15minutes to get to my therapy appointment. I arrive five minutes, she's not bothered though.

I take a seat across from her.

"How was visiting your mom and grandma" she asks

"It was great, I loved seeing them"

"I'm sencing something here, what has been happening?"

"When I was in Ohio Lou showed up to surprise me" I smile

She smiles at me "by the look on your face, you really liked that"

"I did, it was great...I then went to california with her but..."

She looks up from her note pad "but?"

"I punched a girl in the face then Lou told me she can't do this with me anymore"

"Why did you punch her in the face?"

"Because I was jealous that she was dancing with Lou, I could tell she was annoying her and she was very rude to me"

"Hmm...that's not very good, you can't just go around hitting people that are rude to you...if that was the case I would be punching a lot of people a day"

"I know...I know" I look up at her "but then I found out that she's the daughter of one of Lous very important clients...I felt terrible when I found that out"

"What's that smell? I smell alcohol" she looks me in the eyes "have you been drinking?"

I shake my head "not today"

"When?"

"The past two weeks" I nervously play with the rings on my fingers "I've drank every night since I last saw Lou, it just take the edge off slightly"

"This really isn't healthy, I have a couple of groups I can recommend to you...they are very helpful"

She gets up out of her seat to get leaflets, she hands them to me.

"These will help you, I'm worried you will fall back into old unhealthy coping mechanisms" she takes a deep breath "I don't want all this progress we have made to be ruined but please if you need to talk...send me a text or call me and we can talk it out"

"Thank you" I smile at her

"Listen...sometimes we stumble across someone who lights a fire in our heart that cannot die, the saddest part of it is that its not always with whom we spend our Life's with"

I nod "I thought I had experienced love before I knew her but...let me tell you, it never felt anything like how it felt when I was with her"

"It's best to learn to love her from a distance, sometimes it's the only thing than can be done"

We end the therapy session, my heart feels heavy. I decide to go for a walk in the park. I take a seat on a bench, I pull my phone out of my pocket. I click onto Instagram, I hesitate but I search for Lou. I unfollowed her the day everything happened. I see she's still following me. She's been tagged in a photo, she's photographed with the girl I punched in the face, she has her arm around the girl. I lean back on the bench and take a deep breath, I wish I never looked.

I put my phone back into my pocket, I see a coffee stand along the path...I decide to grab a coffee and continue my walk. I watch the birds fly in and out of trees, I see a very cute old couple holding each other as they walk. I enjoy the cold air blowing on my face.

I look forward and see the lake, the lake me and Lou had our first kiss. I get the sudden urge to call her, to just hear her voice. I quickly whip out my phone and call her. It goes to answer machine. I hesitantly leave a message.

"Hi...Lou, its Gwen. I know I shouldn't be calling you. I just wanted to know you are you okay, I just wanted to hear your voice" I pause "I miss you" I whisper, I hang up. I regret instantly leaving that voicemail, I run my hand through my hair.

I decide to make my way back to my apartment, I'm greeted by Jess when I get back. I tell her that I left Lou a voicemail, she doesn't think it was a good idea for me to do that.

***************

It's been one week since I left Lou the voicemail, she's not tried to call me back. I start back at uni tomorrow. I'm looking forward to it, its something to take my mind off my shit love life. I need to get books for going back, me and Gemma meet up to go shopping for them.

We walk around the city, in and out of stores trying to find what we are looking for. There's a little book store Gemma suggests we go to, I agree. As we are walking there, there's a small coffee shop across the road. The smells draw my eyes to look over. As I glance over I see a blonde woman sitting at the window. I walk slower and squint my eyes to get a better look. I grab Gemmas arm.

"Gemma it's her"

Gemmas eyes frantically dart back and fourth trying to see her.

"In the cafe across the road...keep walking"

As I take one more look back, she's already looking at me. Our eyes locked together for seconds. I pull my eyes from hers and keep on walking.

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Author

Thank you so much for reading!💛💛