Memoirs of the Lost Loser

Dignify it with a Name

Riding a horse with Captain Levi is something you've never dreamt or anticipated to do.

His back was broader up close and you could see hints of stiff, hardened muscles underneath his shirt.

He smelled... nothing, really. Or maybe you're not close enough to take a whiff yet. It's a surprise you see, being surrounded by sweaty, dirty men during footwork and gear mods, you became accustomed in smelling sweat, down to the bottom pit of repulsive body odor. Your nose has become too used to it in fact, that you don't mind it all.

Sometimes you smell like one of them.
Sometimes.

You wondered how you smell right now.
You wondered how Levi thinks of your scent.

You slowly took a meaningful whiff on your shoulder, dreading to smell like onion—

"How many back supports are we testing today?" Levi suddenly speaking made you jump.

"Four—" You cleared your throat. "Four sir. If you feel comfortable with one of them, I'll coordinate with Factory city right away to help us finish just before the expedition."

You doubt to finish at least a hundred on time on your own.

"And the gears? You think you can finish on time?"

You didn't respond, and he got the answer from your non-answer. He sighed deeply to your silence, before telling you to hold on to his waist.

"Sir?" You may not have heard him right.

"We're bolting, we don't have time." He said, tightening the grip in the reins. "We'll reschedule the support fitting for now. If you manage to finish the gears on time, then we'll squeeze it today."

"I don't think it can be done sir, it's practically impossible." You explained. "There's at least... sixty— seventy more of them and..."

"Gather up the soldiers who haven't gotten their gears modified yet. Them in the mess hall at ten. Then wait for me." He simply said.

And there it was again, the silence.

You haven't seen Hange in a while. Your hunch is that they're secretly making that barrel restraining thing to capture Annie's titan. Maybe that's why Levi's babysitting you because your squad isn't exactly available right now. You remembered making a promise to help Hange with that restraining device, but seeing how hopelessly preoccupied you were with the gears, Hange might've thought they could do it themselves.

No fret, because you knew Hange could.

"So..." You could not stand the silence, even when it's peaceful. "If I may ask... what am I going to tell the soldiers sir?"

"To get their gears." He said, quickly glancing at you.

"And how good are you at public speaking?"

***

What in the flickity fuck is Levi trying to make you do?

"How good are you at public speaking?"— was what he said and you should've taken that as a hint! You had a hunch but you were too self-conscious with the silence and now the soldiers were just sitting there, staring at you like a Boa constrictor in the zoo!

Your hands started to feel clammy. When was the last time you spoke to so many people? The latest memory is when your parents took you to their post-party book event, and everyone told you how 'pretty' and 'gifted' you were, and that they're sure you'll do amazing things like your parents.

Then seconds later, some reporter wanted an impromptu speech and you didn't know what to do, so you did what any 13 year old would: You talked Valyrian and Parseltongue combined, in front of so many people and so many cameras.