Memoirs of the Lost Loser

No Cause or Consequence

Feelings set aside for later, your focus dawned looking at the rows and columns of horses. You buckled and unbuckled the gas locks, playing with it, counting the remaining seconds in your head.

You cannot afford to fail in this plan of yours. There are lives at stake if you do.

Veterans were stationed in the outer rows for enemy detection.

Fresh recruits were installed in the second row for relay.

Some were scattered in the inner rows to protect the carts.

Commander was in the very front.

"Launch the 57th Expedition!" Green flares filled the sky.

"ADVANCE!"

***

For once, you understood the fear that a bottomless ocean could induce.

You were stationed in the rear left as a member of the cart convoy, just a tad bit below Levi's squad. It was convenient, not only can you keep an eye on Petra's location, but also you belonged to the safest position of the bunch.

You looked ahead to look at Eren's back. You couldn't decide if he's lucky to be so well-guarded, or to feel sorry that soldiers die to guard him with their lives. His first line of defense was the humanity's strongest; the second layer, the capable soldiers Levi hand-picked himself. They were still at sight's reach, and the gap was getting wider the longer you travelled.

Wind slapped your face as the horse moved at an aggressive pace, the trotting of its feet made a steady, but battle-like rhythm. You could still see the members of the convoy when you turned around, even with the distance now. You remembered to put on the gift, the pin they thoughtfully chipped in to give as thanks.

And it was late until you realized that you were clutching it so tightly, only to let go of it, and put on your strong front. Now is not the time to be emotional.

Keep your eyes open, keep your senses awake.

Be wary of the slightest anomaly.

Any gaps, any unsounding pattern to the formation— anything could be suspicious.

Now if Annie, who belongs in the military police, would show up, where would she pop out?

You rode in a pace to plant yourself near the center rear; stealthily moved past everyone to tail Petra's team as close as you could. No one will notice who is who by now, given the eventual scattered nature of the formation in this spacious field.

There's always a headcount before an expedition, so it would be impossible for her to pose as an additional member... unless she disguised herself, and joined the last row at the last minute.

Then...

Red flares became more frequent as you rode closer to the forest. Black is when you demand that your horse's legs should push a little faster, gaining fresh fear of the abnormals from the breach of Trost. You kept a close watch on your sides in case a jumping titan suddenly does its horrifying contortions, or worse, Annie's titan suddenly shows up.

The dots were slow to connect right now, being preoccupied with your safety, keeping an eye on Levi's squad and the bouncing rhythm of this horse that made your insides burn and your legs strained— but something, something feels off.

There's something that you're missing.

Say Annie disguised herself on the last row after the headcount, and you're in the rear left...