Memoirs of the Lost Loser

Sign Off

You will always remember...

Shadis' 'urgent' call that he arranged a private order between him and you. And by that order, he meant you joining Erwin and his tail, Levi in a meeting when they visited on official business. You thought they were going to talk to you about the top ten and how many cadets were ballsy enough to sign their life away to the Survey corps. Turns out, Shadis' muscles were pulled doing that one yoga sequence you introduced in the training, prior to the 3DMG practices.

Although through the course of your training days under him, Shadis accepted your... oddity as an unusual step of improvement of the training regimen. He noted that the agility and flexibility of the cadets improved after doing your 'weird contortions'.

And guess what? He incorporated it for the succeeding batches' regimen, and recommended it to Erwin too.

You couldn't be happier to be summoned and drew four flows for them. It was embarrassing to let them watch you do yoga though.

You will always remember...

That Annie and Eren's fight earned you an injury, because Reiner had to be your next sparring partner. You tried to copy Annie's moves by memorizing, and you won against Reiner, although you dislocated your shoulder.

And you found out that Reiner just had to let you win. Damn it.

Three years in and finally, you get to smoothly monkey around using 3DMG without colliding on a tree, Petra style. Two broken fingers toughened you up to use your feet to prevent collision. You even incorporated some of your style now in slicing the makeshift napes of the simulator. You earned a broken rib when you pleaded Mikasa to teach you some moves. She taught you well alright, except that part where she does chain attacks on simulators. It took you a year and a half to build enough strength and agility to do chain attacks, and three months to incorporate your own style. Of course, you can't build an Ackerman strength but it should be enough to kill titans and protect yourself... hopefully. You bribed her with Eren's sketches as an exchange.

Three years in and finally, you mastered how to write and read their language. You speak the same, but the alphabets are not. Before, you have to memorize whatever you hear and write them in your notes by memory. You never showed your notes to anyone, but you were generous in giving lectures and receiving last minute ones from Armin.

Three years in and initially, it was only the girls that warmed up to you. The men too, somehow did not mind you as an oddball any longer. Well, because probably you got good at hiding it.

Three years in, and you graduated thirteenth. What a lucky number. But the rank didn't matter. You have no qualms being invisible while joining the Survey Corps. Fuck Garrison.

Tonight, everyone was allowed some leniency. You were allowed to put something in your face, like make up of some sort. Christa urged you to use beets for your lips and eyebrows, but you didn't think it was safe, so you refused. It was just the hair that you're allowed to do however you wanted, but since tonight is a celebration, they gave you a little more discretion.

Not that you did something to your face, but your hair though...

And the main players of Survey corps were here.

Hange Zöe was here.

If there's a character— a person in this world that you'd like to hang out for a day, Hange would be it. Their different view on titans made you ask questions. They're bubbly, they're smart, they can talk all night... what more can you ask for?

And then there's Pyxis, Shadis, Erwin and Levi, Miche, Oluo, Petra, Gunther, Eld...

You stood in the wall at the far end corner, appreciating the lighter atmosphere. Everyone seemed to be having a good time. You chose your default drink— watered down coffee, instead of that rare chance of alcohol. The lights from the torches licked the whole place and you wondered again if one day you could find a way to give these people light. Erwin's and Hange's eyes will go bad to worse if they relied on gas lamps all their lives.